Mystery Of You
by TheLovelyRusher
Summary: Kendall is suffering. And of course, being Kendall, he hides it from everyone.
1. sick

**A/N all right ya"ll while I did a lot of research on several different websites about this particular ailment, I've never personally experienced it and I'm probably being way too over-dramatic but hey- I need some Kendall abuse. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it. And reviews are the peanut butter to my jelly! Thanks! Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush. Although I would if I didn't chicken out on kidnapping them from the Tulsa INT'L airport….**

"Stop!" Mr. X's thickly accented voice shouted over "Boyfriend" blaring through the speakers of the dance studio. He shut the music off and stared at the only blonde member of the group. "Kendall, you've been a whole count behind everyone the entire song"

Kendall winced, feeling all eyes on him. It was painfully obvious that he was not up to his usual A-game all day no matter how hard he tried, and his friends were starting to worry.

"Sorry Mister X," Kendall sighed. "Can I just have a quick bathroom break?"

Mr. X raised a bushy eyebrow. He had just given the boy a bathroom break not 30 minutes ago. In fact, Kendall had been asking for them all day. "Another one? Ok, but 5 minutes. James, Logan, Carlos, we'll work on our formations until Kendall gets back."

"Thanks Mr. X," Kendall squeaked before bolting for the restroom, certain he was unable to hold in the sudden urge any longer. It had been happening all day, and it was sorta weird. About every hour, his bladder would feel about to burst, but when he'd go to relieve himself, not much would come out. On top of it, he felt unusually tired and was developing a dull pain in his lower back. But Kendall just shook it off, finished his business, and jogged back to the studio.

"Psst, Kendall!" Logan whispered when he saw his friend had rejoined them. Mr. X was busy yelling at Carlos for having crappy extension and used the opportunity to see if Kendall was ok. "Are you alright, dude? You've been going to the bathroom all day."

"Yeah, and your dancing sucks!" James chimed in. Kendall crooked an eyebrow.

"Gee, thanks James. And I'm perfectly fine. I just drank like a ton of soda," Kendall said, though he really hadn't consumed many beverages at all that day. Mr. X interrupted the boys before they could ask any more questions.

"Beginning 'V' for 'Boyfriend'," the foreign choreographer ordered, and they hurried to their starting poses. Kendall could barely get through his solo this time. The dull pain ache in his back was manifesting into a sharp pain, and he felt sorta like he was moving in slow motion. He just couldn't get his body to move the way he wanted it to, and he felt overheated.

Mr. X took notice that Kendall was only getting worse instead of better and dismissed the boyfriend until tomorrow. Carlos let out a squeal of joy and ran to the showers with James right behind him, anxious to leave the stuffy studio and go eat dinner. But Kendall just collapsed next to his stuff to try and catch his breath.

"Dude you are out of it today," Logan observed, taking a seat beside Kendall on the hardwood dance floor. Kendall forced himself not to roll his eyes. Logan was an aspiring doctor, and whenever one of his friends showed any signs of becoming ill, he was breathing down their backs almost to the point of obnoxiousness. Kendall was usually able to suck it up and hide whatever was bothering him, but right now his back was hurting so much he actually debated on telling Logan before thinking better of it. He probably just pulled a muscle and it would heal in a couple days.

"Just tired, no biggie. I'm gonna hit the showers." Kendall grabbed his bag and left for the locker room. 15 minutes later they were showered, dressed, and in the Big Time Rush Mobile, searching for somewhere to go to dinner.

"Burgers!"

"Pizza!"

"Burgers!"

"Pizza!"

Logan groaned. James and Carlos would not stop arguing over what to eat, and their voices were becoming annoying.

"Neither!" Logan finally yelled when it was clear the 2 youngest of the group would not resolve this themselves. "Mama Knight left me a good chunk of money while she and Katie are on vacation and I do _not_ want to eat junkfood every night. We are going to eat somewhere that won't give us heartburn this time."

"Only you're lame enough to get heartburn," Carlos said.

Logan shot the latino a look through the rearview mirror. "Don't taunt the driver! Anyway, Kendall, where would you like to eat?" He glanced at the unusually quiet blonde in the passenger seat. When he didn't answer, he said "Kendall!" A little louder.

"Huh? Oh, it doesn't matter," Kendall said, vaguely aware of what the conversation was about.

"You know what, how about we just go home and I make some baked macaroni and cheese?" Logan suggested in an upbeat voice. Kendall did not look up to going out for dinner.

"And dinosaur chicken nuggets!" Carlos cried cheerfully, making Logan laugh cause he was probably the only 18-year-old who got that excited over a chicken nugget. So about 20 minutes later Logan was piling cheese onto a pan of macaroni and shoving it into the oven, Carlos and James were fighting each other with hockey sticks (All in good fun, of course. What most people thought was violent was really a game to those two), and Kendall just lay on the huge couch listlessly, trying to ignore the pain in his back. He didn't even notice when Logan stood over him, studying his flushed cheeks.

"Kendall, maybe you should go to bed," Logan suggested softly. "I'll save you some dinner."

Kendall blinked, confused. He had completely dazed off. "What?"

"Go to bed," Logan said again, hoping all Kendall needed was some sleep. He grabbed the tired boys hand and pulled him to his feet.

"Nah, I'm good," Kendall said to Logan's dismay. "Whens dinner?" he wasn't hungry, he just asked to keep the doctor-in-training from worrying.

Logan raised his eyebrows skeptically. "10 minutes, but-"

"Great, I'll help set the table!" Kendall cut off Logan in midsentence and headed over to the kitchen. Logan didn't miss the way Kendall was slightly hunched over and walked a little slower than normal, as if he was afraid much movement would jar something that was hurting, and Logan was determined to find out what was causing him so much pain.

About halfway through dinner, Kendall was wishing he had taken his doctor-friends advice to just lie down. His back hurt, he felt more tired than he ever had in his life, and his appetite was non-existent. Food was simply unappealing. But he knew if he didn't start eating, his friends would know something was up because he was _always_ hungry.

The macaroni was tasteless mush to Kendall, and as soon as he swallowed the first bite he felt queasy. Thinking it was all in his head, he forced a few more bites down.

"_Crap, I don't want to get sick,"_ Kendall thought when the flipflops in his stomach didn't go away. He pushed the rest of his food around on his plate so it would atleast look like he ate something, while Carlos, James and Logan shoveled forkful after forkful of the noodles into their mouths as if they had 3 stomachs.

"Dude, aren'tchu gonna eat that?" Carlos asked, pointing to Kendall's plate. His mouth was stuffed with mac-and-cheese and the pan was empty.

"No, it's mine!" James practically screeched, reaching for Kendall's plate.

"It's all yours, I'm done."

'You barely ate anything," Logan accused. Kendall sighed. The kid was getting annoying.

"Logan, I'm just not hungry. It's not the end of the world," Kendall said in a slightly whiny tone. He just wanted to deal with this himself.

"Fine, but Mama Knight put me in charge and I say you need to go to bed," Logan said.

"You can't tell me what to do," Kendall said, raising his dark eyebrows so they disappeared completely under his blonde hair.

"Mmm, yes I can," Logan argued. 'Mama Knight said I could, so go to bed." With that, Logan pulled Kendall off his chair and pushed him towards the direction of their shared room. Kendall obliged, mumbling about Logan being bossy when he was secretly thankful Logan was forcing him to lie down so he wouldn't have to play video games or challenge each other to roller-hockey in the house like they normally do.

"Ooh, bed," Kendall whispered as he fell into the bundle of blankets and pillows. Any intentions to brush his teeth and undress flew out the window. He was still feeling faintly nauseous and was so fatigued he could not get up even if he wanted to. The sick blonde turned his head to the side to look at his digital clock, which read only 8:00 pm.

Not 5 minutes later, he could hear James and Carlos screaming obscenities at the television, obviously playing some war videogame, and Logan unsuccessfully trying to shut them up.

"Ughh, please be quiet," Kendall groaned, wrapping his pillow around his ears to muffle the sounds and curled up tighter under his blankets because even though he had been feeling hot earlier, now he was starting to shiver. Despite his friends being so loud, it didn't take long for sleep to overtake him.

Kendall woke up with an abrupt start, groggy and still feeling fatigued. Even though he felt like he was only asleep for 5 minutes, it must've been in the middle of the night because the apartment was dead quiet and Logan was snoring ever so softly in the bed across from his.

It took a moment for Kendall to realize why he was awake so suddenly until he felt the intense pressure in his bladder. He had to pee so bad! Barely registering the sharp pain in his back, he bolted from his bed and to his bathroom to relieve himself.

"Ahh," Kendall hissed quietly when he released. It _burned_, like nothing he ever felt before.

"Well that was weird," he whispered when it was finally over. He gripped the sink with white knuckles, trying to decipher why peeing hurt so bad, and why he was covered in a cold sweat.

Kendall took a deep breath and shook it off as nothing. He lifted his head to look in the mirror and was a little shocked by what he saw. His hair was matted down with sweat, his eyes were slightly glossy, and his usually tan skin was a sick grayish color.

"Oh no, not now," The tall boy groaned to himself. He could not be sick now, not with Gustavo on their case extra hard this week. They were supposed to be getting ready to shoot a music video soon and Kendall could not deal with the flu right now.

"I am not sick," he said sternly through gritted teeth. He opened up the medicine cabinet to grab a couple aspirins, which he washed down with water, than shuffled to bed.

Unfortunately, sleep would not overtake Kendall as quickly as it had last time, no matter how hard he willed his body to fall asleep. He was just too sick feeling. He was constantly either too hot or too cold, and he finally just opted for removing his sweaty shirt and cuddling under a blanket.

The queasiness he had acquired at dinnertime had not yet faded, and than there were the 1000 tiny daggers somebody was shoving into his lower back. God it hurt. Kendall found himself silently cursing the aspirin for not helping.

Minute after slow minute passed, and after barely an hour and Kendall was finally feeling relaxed, exhaustion overriding his odd symptoms, that pressure in his bladder returned. But Kendall was too tired to get back up, so he tried to ignore it best he could.

Bad idea. The pressure quickly turned to pain, and once again Kendall found himself cringing as he released the burning liquid. A couple tears escaped, but since no one was around, he didn't really care. Moving slowly from the pain in his back, Kendall went back to bed and curled up pitifully. He wanted so badly to crawl over to Logan's bed and wake him up because he desperately needed physical comfort and to know he wasn't alone. He even pondered calling his mother. Mom always made him feel better.

But no, he was Kendall Knight, and Kendall Knight never complained. It was just a little pain, probably some pathetic flu even though deep down he knew his symptoms did not match the flu. But either way, he knew he could handle it. He had too.

Kendall did eventually fall back to sleep, but throughout the night and early morning he was frequently back and forth from the bathroom to his bed. Sleep, pee. Sleep, pee. It repeated itself 5 times before Logan's alarm blared annoyingly at 10 am.

"Kendall, wake up buddy, it's the first rehearsal for our new video today," Logan said. Kendall just moaned, cheeks still a little flushed. It concerned Logan, but there wasn't much he could do about it when Kendall was so intent on keeping his health a secret.

"You have 10 minutes before I sic Logan on you," Logan joked. He grabbed a pair of shorts and a tank and went into the bathroom to change and wash up. When he returned to his room, Kendall was still in the same balled-up position, making no attempts to wake up.

"Kendall, come on Bud, we can't be late. Gustavo will murder us," Logan said. Kendall refused to move, and Logan grinned deviously. He was going to spare Kendall the torture of Carlos, but decided to grab the blankets wrapped around the blonde's body and pull them off, making him flip over.

Kendall yelped in pain when his warm blankets were ripped unceremoniously off of him, the sharp pain in his back jarring him awake. Kendall buried his face in his pillow and breathed deep. Logan assumed he was pouting and not really in pain, which was what Kendall wanted.

"Dude, nice pajama choice," Logan joked, though he was worried. Kendall was still in jeans and socks and shoes, his t-shirt was balled up on the floor, and the fact that he slept for 14 hours and was still this tired was a bit unsettling.

Kendall rolled over and cracked a tiny smile. 'I'll be out in a couple minutes, ok?"

Logan nodded. "Ok. Just, are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, I'm great. I guess I just needed to sleep!" Kendall bit his lip nervously because Logan didn't really seem to believe him, but finally Logan nodded.

"Ok, get dressed!" Logan left and slid down the swirly slide to be met with the usual morning nuttiness of 2-J. James had 'famous" blasting off their sound system and was running around the apartment in a panic because he couldn't locate his dance sneakers, even though he had like 10 pairs. But apparently he had to wear his red ones for this rehearsal for no good reason, of course.

Carlos was in the kitchen, holding a huge bottle of syrup as a microphone and singing on the top of his lungs with the music, quite offkey. It was amazing. During a show or in the studio, the kid knew how to sing beautifully but when he didn't have to be serious, he sounded like a dying moose.

"Lo-Gan, help me find my shoe!" James cried.

"Hold on!" Logan called, going over to where Carlos stood in the kitchen. The latino was watching an entire box of waffles spin in the microwave while he sang.

"Oh, Carlos!" Logan quickly took the box out of the microwave, turned on the toaster, and shoved some waffles into it.

"Logan!" James screeched.

"I'm coming!" Logan said. "Carlos do _not_ touch the hot thing. I'll be right back." Logan ran to the front hall closet and pulled out James' red sneakers before calling to Kendall up the swirly slide and retrieving Carlos' waffles from the toaster.

"Thank you Logan!" Carlos said cutely, starring at the plate of waffles as if they were a gift from God. Logan made himself a bowl of cereal and munched quickly. Kendall slid down swirly after a few more minutes. He was dressed in a pair of black sweats and a red t-shirt and looked pale.

"Kendall we have 5 minutes," Logan said. 'Grab some cereal and let's go."

"I'm not hungry," Kendall sighed.

"You can have one of my waffles," Carlos offered, but Kendall turned him down.

"Nah, I'll just be waiting in the car,"

"No!" Logan said, surprisingly loud. "We have a long day ahead of us and skipping breakfast is _not_ an option. Eat this." He threw a banana to Kendall. The sick boy knew Logan was serious, and since he wanted the little doctor to think he was fine, he ate the banana as quickly as possible despite his queasy tummy.

"Alright, lets get out of here," Logan said, satisfied. "James!"

"Hold on, I'm doing my hair!" James called from the bathroom.

"James, we're going to be in dance practice all day!" Kendall yelled. "Your hair will be sweaty in 10 minutes!"

"I'll get him!" Carlos said. He ran up swirly, Kendall and Logan heard a high-pitched scream, and James was downstairs within seconds. They asked no questions, just left for the studio.

**A/N all right, my first multi-chapter I'm posting… Anybody want to find out what's happening with Kendall?**


	2. scared

**Hey guys! Here's chapter 2. Yay! I don't own them either. **

Every minute seemed like an hour to Kendall, and Mr. X, Gustavo, Kelly, some director guy, and a couple producers would not shut-up. He had lost track of what they were talking about a long time ago and didn't really care. All he knew was that while he was in this ridiculously long meeting, his backache and nausea only increased with each passing moment. It was becoming so intense, he couldn't concentrate on anything else but the sickening feelings.

Big Time Rush were currently seated around a huge rectangle table, listening to their record producer drone on and on about their upcoming music video for the past 2 and a half hours. Even Logan looked bored, as he didn't see the point of being present at the meetings when Gustavo didn't even acknowledge that the band was there. He just discussed- and argued- with the choreographer and the, well, music video making people (Logan didn't really know what they were called) about what the video should look like.

James had managed to sneak some of his headshots out of his backpack and was studying them intently, trying to figure out which ones he wanted to send in to which modeling company. And Carlos was kicking his feet and playing with his glass of water or whatever else he could get his hands on, even though Gustavo knew from experience to keep any and all objects away from the A.D.H.D latino.

"Quit staring at me, I'm fine ok," Kendall whispered to Logan, trying to sound light-hearted and not like he was in pain. Logan blushed. He had been trying to be discreet about his analyzing, but Kendall was very perceptive.

"You look feverish," Logan accused, getting straight to the point. Kendall just waved him off.

:It's just hot in here. When is this meeting over?" Kendall asked. "I have to pee."

"You were just excused to use the restroom an hour ago," Logan said. "Are you sure you're-"

"**Carlos!" ** James suddenly screeched, and Kendall and Logan both looked up from their whispered conversation to see James jump to his feet and give Carlos a deathglare, while Carlos looked like a kicked puppy.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!" The small latino cried. He had finally He had finally knocked over the water glass, resulting in James' sacred headshots getting soaked. 'It was an accident, James!"

"You ruined my headshots!" James yelled dramatically, his voice slightly higher than usual. "Gorgeous zookeeper, buff airplane pilot, and sexy shoeshiner, all ruined!" James made a move to push Carlos, but the smaller boy dodged the attack and patted his helmet, a gesture he always made right before he mauled something.

"Dogs, heel!" Gustavo bellowed, looking like a crazed wrestler. James and Carlos were scared enough of the huge man to stop the fight before it even started.

"Gustavo, maybe we should give the boys a break," Kelly suggested. "Sorry, they're normally not like this," She told the video crew, who were all staring at the boys with looks in their eyes that said "Do we really have to work with these monkeys?"

"Fine!" Gustavo said. "Dog's, go wait in the studio. Mr. X will be there shortly."

"Snacktime!" Carlos cried, running from the boardroom to go find fruitsmackers.

"But what about my headshots?" James whimpered, and the look he had on his pretty features was actually kind of heartbreaking.

But apparently, not heartbreaking enough. "Just get out of here!" Gustavo yelled, and Logan and James ran from the room, terrified,. Kendall followed behind them and went into the first restroom he saw in the large building. He wished more than anything he didn't have to use the bathroom so much because it hurt. Sure, it was only 15 seconds of burning pain. He should be able to handle it. But he couldn't. It hurt too much, alarmingly so. Everytime he'd use the bathroom, tears would spring from his eyes and he couldn't control it.

Kendall stood at the sink, letting himself cry before getting a grip so he could go back to the studio when suddenly the door slammed open and James ran into a stall.

"Hide me!" The tall boy screeched. "I took Carlos' fruitsmackers and now he's after me!"

Kendall quickly wiped his tears away. His friends were obnoxious, but at least they were a good distraction because right now, Kendall was scared.

"Um, how do you expect me to hide you?" Kendall asked.

"Just tell him you haven't seen me!" James said in a "duh" voice.

"Um, ok.." A couple seconds later, Carlos barged into the bathroom, looking surprised to see Kendall.

"Oh, hey Kendall! Have you seen James? I uh, have something to tell him," Carlos said deviously.

"Nope, no James in here!" Kendall said, flashing him a winning smile.

"Oh. Hey, were you crying, Kendall?"

"What? No, I just got an eyelash in my eye. I got it out now," Kendall lied smoothly.

"Are you sure?" Carlos asked softly. "You haven't been acting well lately" Carlos was a misunderstood person. He was naïve, he was A.D.H.D, and he did have a childish state of mind sometimes. But when it came to his people, especially his friends, he was extremely empathetic. If one of his friends were sad, he was sad. But he was also very gullible and trusting, so when Kendall told the latino he was fine, he believed him, just like he believed James was not in the room.

"Ok," Carlos said, voice changing from worried to cheery. "Well, do you need a hug?" His brown eyes sparkled at the thought of a hug, but Kendall laughed and shook his head.

"No, I'm fine. Now go find James."

Carlos let out a war cry and ran out of the bathroom, and Kendall knocked on James' stall door.

"All clear!"

"Thank you, Buddy!" James sang out, bounding out of the stall. "Meet ya in the studio!" He slapped Kendall on the back before he left, and Kendall stifled a yell of agony until he was sure James was out of ear reach. The sick boy fell to his knees, the white hot pain radiating through his back too unbearable for him to stand upright.

Kendall lay crying on the floor for several minutes, trying to control his breathing inbetween sobs. Curling up into a ball didn't help, and neither did laying straight. Nothing made it better. He was helpless. And he hated it.

"L-Logan," Kendall cried pitifully, knowing his friend couldn't hear him. He felt absolutely weak, and he was almost ashamed to cry for his nurturing best friend, but he needed him.

But Logan was probably busy in the studio, and Kendall felt he had to man up. He was acting like a baby. So he lay alone on the floor, clutching his stomach because the pain had spread into his gut for a few more minutes, when the pain subsided into a tolerable backache and nausea crept it's way in. He'd take the nausea over the pain anyday.

"Ok, I'm ok," Kendall whispered. Maybe if he told himself he was fine, he'd believe it, just like his friends did. He rose to his feet slowly and washed his face with cold water, than went to the storage closet that had a first-aid kit in it (He knew exactly where it was because of all his friends wounds he had to patch up from their stupid stunts) and took some ibuprofens since aspirin didn't work last time. Than he sat down and rested in the cool darkness of the closet until a text message lit up his screen.

"Mr. X wants you in the studio!"- Logan.

Kendall took a deep breath and stood up. He felt a tiny bit better with pain medicine coursing through his veins, and with a fake smile plastered onto his face that almost looked surprisingly real, he headed to the dance studio.

**A/N wow. Sorry that was so short. I honestly don't like this chapter, so I hope I didn't disappoint anyone. But, I did make Kendall cry so it couldn't have been all bad. And I did attempt to make some funny friendshippyness. I felt I should add some cute moments to this before I start killing people off. JK I'm not killing any of them, but there will be many more tears! Ok I really hope ya'll are reading my note cause I want to let you know that I only have computer use on Mondays and Fridays so my next update will be a few days. But hit me up on twitter, chanson_renee I'd love to chat with everyone. I'm always open to suggestions and criticism. Please review! **


	3. heartbeat

**A/N Hey guys sorry for the wait! And thanks so much for all the reviews and alerts, they make my heart dance! Hope you all enjoy this next chapter. And I don't own Big Time Rush, although I would if I didn't chicken out on my plan of kidnapping them from the Tulsa INT'L Airport.**

The pain medication Kendall took actually seemed to be working for him, just a little bit. The backache was still there and although dancing didn't make it better, he could actually see and think through the pain and that was a good thing, right?

Well, Kendall wished he was right because a few short hours later, while doing a particularly quick step Mr. X taught him that involved twisting his body, he felt like somebody shoved a knife into his back.

Kendall cried out in pain and surprise and he froze up on the spot, afraid to move for a moment. The music stopped and he looked around to see his friends give him questioning stares.

"What the heck was that?" Logan asked, concerned and frustrated because Kendall's face was contorted into a cringe, like something was hurting him, and all Logan wanted was for Kendall to tell him what was wrong. But, of course, Kendall came up with a lie. Right now was one of the only times Logan hated Kendall's quick thinking.

"I tripped, sorry guys," Kendall said with a chuckle. It was a lame lie, but everyone save for Logan believed it. Logan was officially convinced everyone in the room was an idiot.

"Can we have a break now?" Carlos asked with a huge grin. "I want corndogs!"

"When do you ever _not_ want corndogs?" James asked.

"Always!" Carlos replied, though he secretly only asked for a break because he thought Kendall looked like he needed one.

"Actually, the correct way to phrase that answer would be 'never'", Logan corrected the hyper Latino. "His question was-"

"Whatever, you know what I meant!" Carlos cut off the smart boy midsentence and gave him a push, just a light one. Out of all his friends, Logan was the only one Carlos _never _roughhoused with. It was like a rule, you just don't hurt Logan, even in horseplay. He was too small and sweet and frail and acted like everyone was out to hurt him, even though Carlos knew very well that Logan was just as strong- or stronger- than the rest of the guys.

"Enough fighting!" Mr. X called. He realized none of the boys had eaten lunch yet and it was already almost 4 o' clock. "45 minute break! Go eat lunch and Kendall, you rest."

10 minutes later, the 4 band mates were seated around the table in the break room, eating sandwiches and chips and joking and laughing.

Or rather, 3 of them were. Kendall had just gotten back from another unpleasant trip to the restroom and was now staring sullenly at his food, laughing emotionlessly every now and than with his friends so it at least seemed like he was paying attention. He even took a couple bites of food despite his nauseous stomach. But all he really wanted to do was go to sleep.

"I gotta make a phone call, Kendall announced, getting up from the table.

"To who?" Carlos asked, right after taking a huge bit of sandwich so he sprayed crumbs all over Logan.

"Dude, gross," Logan said with a disgusted look on his face. Brushing wet crumbs from his dark-brown hair, he turned to Kendall. "So, who is it you need to call?"

"Yeah, who do you need to call?" James repeated, feeling left out of the conversation. Kendall rolled his eyes. He hated when they all 3 ganged up on him like that.

"My mom wants a play-by-play update of the past couple days she's been gone. I'll see you guys in the studio."

"Alright, see ya," Logan said, Watching as Kendall left his friends to go to the lounge. He sighed as he lied down on the comfy couch. He had no intention of calling his mother. He did, however, have every intention of falling asleep.

"Kendall's late again!" James whined. He was sprawled out on the studio floor next to Logan, watching Carlos run around the studio with his newfound energy from lunch. Logan was tired and wanted to go home and read a book while James was restless and bored, ready to learn the remaining choreography for the video.

"He'll be here in a minute- what are you doing?" Logan asked. James had gone from lying on the floor and complaining to sitting up and staring at himself in the huge floor to ceiling mirror.

James giggled. "I'm pretty!"

Logan sighed. "Easily distracted. I'll go find Kendall, guys." He left his weird band mates to scour the hallways for his tall friend. He had an odd, unsettled feeling in his gut that Kendall was not on the phone with his mother.

The first place he checked was the bathroom, since the blonde boy had been frequenting there a lot lately. The poor kid must've had stomach problems. That was Logan's only guess. Every stall was empty though, and while that was a good thing, he was getting increasingly worried for his friend. Kendall had a habit of hiding things from people who cared for him, for reasons unbeknownst to Logan. One time Kendall had actually fractured his ankle in a 9th- grade hockey game and never told anyone. He even hid his limp for 3 days, when Logan had finally noticed his purple, grapefruit-sized ankle sticking out of his blankets at a sleepover.

The next place Logan checked was the lounge, and there was Kendall, sound asleep on the couch, curled up in a ball and snoring quite loudly. Logan smirked at the sight. His blonde hair was mussed up and his cheeks were red. He looked like a kid.

"Kendall, buddy, wake up," Logan called, shaking his arm gently. Kendall snorted, buried his face in the couch, and resumed snoring. This time, Logan could not help but laugh at the way Kendall's big nose was squished against the cushion and how funny his muffled snores sounded.

"Kendall, you need to wake up now buddy. Didn't we just go through this earlier?" The smart boy shook him harder, but Kendall was more dead to the world than he was that morning. The unsettled feeling in Logan's stomach grew stronger. Now that the small genius looked at him closely, he saw that Kendall did not look so much like a cute sleeping kid- he looked ill. It was easy to tell his cheeks were rosy from a fevered flush. The rest of his skin was a pale grey and he was shivering slightly.

Logan placed a hand on Kendall's forehead and gasped softly at the warmth he found there. He definitely had a fever.

"Kendall, please wake up now," Logan said, shaking both his shoulders. Kendall made a sound that resembled a baby dinosaur and his dull green eyes fluttered open.

"Logan? Is break over?" The sick boy mumbled. He did not want to be awake. His stomach hurt.

"Yeah, break's over buddy," Logan said, rubbing Kendall's shoulder. "How do you feel?"

"I'm alright," Kendall said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He sat up, ready to get rehearsal over with so he could go to bed.

"You have a fever, Kendall," Logan said, sitting next to his best friend.

"I do? I'm sure it's nothing, Logan."

Logan shook his head. "It's not, '_nothing'_. What's wrong?"

Kendall got to his feet, ignoring both the pain that shot through his lower back and Logan. "Lets go back to the studio."

"No, tell me what's the matter- Kendall?" Logan watched, hurt, as his pale friend blatantly ignored him and walked out of the room. He had to blink away tears that threatened to fall. Why wouldn't Kendall tell him what was wrong?

"_Why did I do that?"_ Kendall thought miserably. He was making his way from the bathroom to the dance studio and he felt really bad to leave Logan hanging like that. He knew he probably made the smart boy feel bad. The only time Logan ever stayed quiet instead of argue was when his feelings were hurt.

Why couldn't he just simply make himself say, "I don't feel good"? Why were those 4 words so hard to admit, and why did even just thinking the words make him feel like a pathetic loser?

Kendall sighed, entered the studio, and gave his friends small smiles. "Sorry I'm late again, Mr. X."

"Hey sleepyhead," Carlos cooed, and Kendall elbowed him in the ribs.

"Shut-up, Carlitos," Kendall warned. "Let's just get this over with."

The boys continued rehearsing for another hour. Kendall was feeling worse and worse. He felt so hot, he found himself easily out of breath, and a new symptom suddenly emerged: In the middle of dancing the routine, his heart started pounding fast. Way too fast. It was almost a fluttering feeling that made Kendall so dizzy he could hardly stand up. He lowered himself to his knees, knowing that it was time to stop pushing his limits.

"Mr. X, I need to stop!" Kendall cried breathlessly, and Logan was at his side in a flash.

"Kendall, what's wrong? Talk to me buddy."

"I just need to catch my breath," Kendall said, sitting on the floor in absolute weakness. He had only had the flu once in his life, but this was way worse. His stomach churned sickeningly and painfully and his heart was racing like crazy and his back was on fire.

"Are you ok bro?" James asked, placing a strong arm on the trembling boys shoulder. He'd never seen Kendall like this. It was scary.

And Logan felt absolutely panicked. Kendall was drenched in sweat and scariest of all, he was clutching his chest. His young mind started racing with all the knowledge he stored in there, and he remembered the terrifying fact that teenagers can have heart attacks, too.

"Ok, just relax and breathe, Kendall. Does your chest hurt,?" Logan asked, and he could feel Mr. X's, James' and Carlos' eyes snap up to him, while Kendall just stared at the wood flooring.

"No," Kendall said, embarrassed by all this attention.

"Kendall, you can't lie about this," Logan warned.

"It doesn't hurt, I swear. My heart is just beating fast. I guess I over-did it, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Logan said with a sigh of relief. He took Kendall's sweaty hand in his and pushed his thumb down on his wrist, measuring his pulse. It was fast, but it was gradually slowing down.

"I think you better take him home," Mr. X instructed. "I'm no doctor, but he looks pretty sick."

Logan nodded. "Good idea. James, help me get him up." He took one of Kendall's arms and James took the other and they gently hauled the sick boy to his feet. The quick movement caused Kendall to feel incredibly nauseous, and he leaned over, put his hands on his knee's, and shut his eyes, waiting for the feeling to pass.

"What's happening?" He heard Carlos ask.

"I don't know," Logan said. "Kendall, you good buddy?"

Kendall attempted to say he was fine, but his stomach twisted violently and he threw up all over the floor instead.

James was the one to catch his coughing, limp body and hold him up like a ragdoll. Kendall tried to push him away, but he was too weak to stand on his own and he knew it.

"It's ok, you're alright," James murmured, completely shocked. He looked to Logan, knowing the smart boy would know what to do next.

"Get him back to the apartment," Mr. X said sympathetically. "I'll clean up."

"Thanks, Mr. X," Logan said. "Come on Kendall, we're taking you home." He put his arm around Kendall's waist to alleviate some of the stress off James and together they half carried, half dragged him to the car while Carlos opened all the doors. Logan got into the drivers seat, while Carlos slid into the backseat. James laid the sick boy down beside Carlos, and he took his head into his lap and ran tan fingers through sweaty blonde hair. James got into the passenger seat and Logan squealed out of the parking lot.

"It's ok, bro. We're almost there," Carlos said soothingly when Kendall groaned in his lap.

"Are you going to get sick?" James asked, turning in his seat to face Kendall, even though the shivering boy kept his eyes screwed shut.

Kendall shook his head. "No, I don't think so," His voice sounded broken.

Carlos continued to stroke Kendall's hair. The gesture had always comforted the Latino whenever he was sick, so he hoped it was having the same effect on Kendall right now.

"Hey Logan, why does his face feel so warm?" Carlos asked. Kendall's cheek was radiating an insane amount of heat onto Carlos' leg, and it was worrying him.

"He has a fever," Logan stated. "Touch his forehead, is it warm or burning?"

Carlos laid his hand on Kendall's forehead and brushed his fingertips along his cheekbone. "He's burning up, Logie."

"He's getting worse," Logan said, biting his lip nervously. He drove as fast as he could in the L.A traffic. He was usually not an aggressive driver but all he cared about was taking care of Kendall and it seemed like every car on the road was out just to inhabit his mission of getting the sick boy home quickly.

"_This sucks_," Kendall thought miserably. His friends were talking about him as if he wasn't even there. James would not stop staring at him, Logan was on the verge of a panic attack, and he felt weak and humiliated on top of being utterly sick. He wanted to sit up and say he was fine but 1. He was too fatigued and 2. Being in Carlos' lap was more comforting than he'd ever admit, which only made him feel more pathetic.

"Logan, you need to calm down, we don't need you fainting in the middle of driving," Kendall joked when Logan took a turn a little too fast.

"Logan sighed. "You're right. How are you holding up back there?"

Kendall winced when the BTR Mobile hit a pothole at high-speed, holding back a groan of pain. "Well, I'd be dandy if you slowed down a bit. Heh, who knew Logan was a criminal?"

"What? I am not a criminal!" Logan squeaked.

"Um, yes, you kind of are," James said. "You're breaking the speed limit!"

"Yes, but this is a pressing issue!" Logan reasoned. "I mean, I'm sure they make exceptions," He gave a nervous laugh, but slowed down anyway.

"They only make exceptions if the person is like, dying or something," Kendall said, and he felt Carlos tense up underneath him.

"Oh my God, are you dying Kendall?" Carlos' voice was frightened and dead serious. Kendall groaned while James and Logan chuckled.

"Guys, please shut up," He begged, even though he was happy he got the atmosphere to go from panicked to lighthearted and silly. It was Kendall's specialty, he always knew how to change his friends' moods, and he knew they always relied on him for it. He knew his friends relied on him for everything, and that was why he refused to admit he was really ill. They needed a leader, not a sick kid moaning in bed.

"Alright, we're here," Logan announced, pulling into the Palmwoods parking lot.

"Finally," Kendall whispered, relieved to be home. He was certain if he could just lie down and sleep he'd be better by the next morning.

Carlos helped Kendall sit up and he, James, and Logan all watched Kendall get out of the car as if he'd collapse as soon as he stood up.

"Guys, I'm fine," Kendall said. He really did feel a little better since leaving the studio, and at least he was able to walk by himself.

As soon as Kendall walked into his apartment, he went straight to his bedroom and collapsed onto his warm blankets. Logan, of course, was right behind him.

"You need anything, Kendall?" Logan asked, sounding timid and almost hopeful that Kendall would let him help him.

"Just sleep," Kendall mumbled into his pillow.

"K," Logan said simply, feeling rejected. He went over to the already half-asleep form on the bed and tucked a blanket around his shoulders, than closed the shades to keep any pesky late-afternoon sunlight out, knowing that since Kendall had a fever, he was probably sensitive to light.

"Good night, Kendall. Will you let me know if you need something later?" He asked softly, and Kendall's answer was a tiny snore. Logan gave a sad, crooked smile and closed the door behind him, leaving the sick boy be.

**A/N Ok so ever since I heard Logan call Kendall "buddy" in big time breakup, I've been obsessed with it. It's too cute. Hope you guys liked this chapter? Please review? More Kendall pain and Logie cuteness to come! Have a great weekend. I'm gonna go ice skating now, see ya!**


	4. kkibbuh!

**A/N Hey guys! Hope you all had a great weekend. Mine was crazy, so I hope this turned out ok since I had very little time to write it. Thank you all for your reviews! And thanks to ! I like to reply to all my reviews but since your anonymous, I can't but your reviews are great and to answer your question: I can only update on Mondays and Fridays, so that's when the new chapters come up. Thanks to all my anonymous and signed reviews you guys rock! Hope you like this chapter.**

Logan yawned and let out a long, sleepy sigh. It was past midnight and he was alone on the huge orange sectional, watching some documentary that he was too tired to pay attention to. The 2 hyper boys of the band had passed out in their beds over an hour ago, exhausted from the days' events, but Logan refused to fall asleep just in case Kendall needed him.

Speaking of the stubborn devil, he heard their shared bedroom's door open and footsteps pad into the bathroom for the 4th time that night. A couple minutes later, the toilet flushed and the bedroom door shut once again.

Logan snuggled into the couch ready to give up because it was clear Kendall did not want his help. He had just let his eyes droop closed when he sensed somebody standing in front of him. Logan sat up to see Kendall shivering, his arms wrapped around his chest to keep warm.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Kendall said in a sad, broken voice. Logan's heartstrings knotted.

"No, you didn't wake me up at all. What's up?"

Kendall avoided the question "Why aren't you in bed?"

"Oh, I just lost track of the time, watchin' a movie," Logan said, not wanting to admit he was only awake because of Kendall. "Why are you awake?"

"I was thirsty," He replied, ready to make his way to the kitchen, but Logan stood up and stopped him.

"Wait, you sit down, I'll get you some water," Logan said.

"No, I can get it myself-"

"Kendall, sit down," Logan ordered, raising his voice slightly, and to his surprise, Kendall obliged. He brought the blonde a glass of ice water and watched him gulp it down. Logan wanted to kick himself, feeling guilty for not making him drink something after throwing up. He knew fully well that the poor kid was probably partially dehydrated at the very least.

"Try to slow down, you'll make yourself sick," Logan instructed. Kendall nodded and slowed his gulps, and when he finished, Logan refilled his glass, this time bringing with him a few saltines for Kendall to munch on.

"So what's this movie about?" Kendall asked, patting the empty seat next to him for Logan to sit down.

"It's really just some boring doctor thing," the small brunette said. He sat down and curled hisfeet under him. "Do you want to watch something else, like cartoons?"

Kendall shrugged. "Sure," He said, carefully chewing one of the crackers as if he was afraid of upsetting his stomach further.

"How does your stomach feel?" Logan asked after turning on an episode of "The Smurfs" on Boomerang.

"S'okay," Kendall said. "Been better, I guess."

"You gonna throw up again?"

"I hope not," Kendall said with a half smile, but when he looked at Logan, he frowned. "You look really tired, Logie."

Logan shook his head. Of course, Kendall would check on him before taking care of himself. "I can say the same about you, _Kendy,"_ he said, playfully using his goofy nickname for his leader. Usually, the tall blonde would jab Logan in the ribs, knowing it was his most ticklish spot, and make some kind of playful remark, but this time he just smiled and shrugged.

"So I talked to Gustavo after you went to bed," Logan said. "Told him you're not feeling well and you need a day or 2 to get back on your feet, and he's gonna postpone rehearsals 'til you get better." Logan was expecting Kendall to be annoyed, maybe a little whiny and frustrated. What he wasn't expecting was the anger that poured out of the sick boy.

"Logan you did what?" Kendall yelled. He stood up so quickly he stumbled, pain shooting through his back. It was Logan's natural instincts to reach out and steady him, but Kendall just shook him off.

"Relax, Kendall, it's just a couple of days. You can't go to rehearsal with a high fever, you just _can't_."

"Who says, you and your obsessive doctor..ness? I'm not sick Logan, I'm fine. Now Gustavo is going to be pissed at me, and James is going to be upset because he's been looking forward to this for over a month. I don't want to have to deal with everyone hating me-"

"Why will everyone hate you, that makes no sense," Logan cut in.

"_They'll hate me because I'm weak," _Kendall thought in his mind, but said out loud, "Because you can't just postpone a video shoot, there are strict schedules and contracts to stick to."

"That's not our problem, Gustavo said he can take care of it."

"Well, I'm not your problem," Kendall said acidly. "Just mind your own business, I can handle this just fine. I can take care of myself"

Logan looked at Kendall with huge, chocolate brown eyes that resembled those of a kicked puppy's and Kendall immediately regretted what he said. He had been speaking out of pain and fatigue, not truth. But before he could apologize, Logan had run up swirly and into his room, assumedly so Kendall wouldn't see him cry.

"Hockey pucks," Kendall mumbled, falling back onto the couch. He really needed to do something about his anger issues. Now he was alone, and the whole point of coming downstairs was so he wouldn't have to be alone while he was feeling so ill.

Kendall really wanted to just fall asleep on the couch. His back, sides, and stomach were hurting even worse because of that senseless little fight, but after 10 minutes, his guilt overrode the pain. He had to check on Logan. With an audible groan, he rolled off the couch and crawled up swirly.

His room was dark and quiet when he entered. He crept over to Logan's bed. The dark haired boy was sound asleep and a few tear tracks ran along his cheeks. He looked exhausted. Kendall sighed and wiped the lines of tears away.

"Logie when will you learn? I'm supposed to be the one to take care of you, not the other way around." Kendall patted his soft brown hair and crawled into his own bed.

Kendall had been hoping that tonight would be better than last. That whatever was ailing him would start to go away on it's own because he had such a strong immune system.

But it only got worse. He had to pee constantly, and he was so sore and tired, he eventually just curled up in the bathtub so the toilet was a short distance away instead of having to walk back and forth. Besides, the noises were starting to disturb Logan from his needed sleep.

It was around 4 AM when Carlos stumbled tiredly into the bathroom. He flicked on the light and Kendall groaned, the sudden brightness waking him out of his restless slumber. Carlos let out a scream, and Kendall prayed for Logan and James not to hear it.

"Oh, it's just you," Carlos said when he realized it was only Kendall and not an axe murderer or an escaped zoo animal.

"Yes it's me, who else would it be?" Kendall asked weakly. Carlos shrugged at this.

"Bathtubs are good hideouts for bad things. And why exactly are you sleeping in our tub?" Carlos asked, than gasped at a sudden realization. "Did you rob a bank and now you're using our tub as a hideout? Don't worry buddy, I'll hide you. Can I be a fugitive with you?"

Kendall moaned. "No, Carlos."

"Oh." Carlos sat on the edge of the tub and puffed his cheeks out. He hadn't been serious, he was only trying to cheer up Kendall 'cause he looked really terrible. He was pale, shivering, and he was so drenched in sweat it looked like he had taken a shower. And Kendall always joked back or made a sarcastic remark so when he stayed quiet, the Latino knew it was bad. Carlos wasn't as stupid as he looked.

"Are you ok, Kendall?" He asked softly. He was about 3 seconds from going to wake up Logan.

"I'm fine, just a little sick. No big deal," Kendall said. The medicine he took earlier had long since worn off and he could feel his fever spiking.

"Well, let's get you to bed. You can't sleep in a tub all night," Carlos said, still confused as to why his friend was in the bathtub in the first place.

"No," Kendall moaned. He just wanted Carlos to shut off the lights and leave. He couldn't move.

"Why not? Your bed is way comfier. Come on." Carlos reached out for Kendall's arm, but he recoiled.

"I can't, Carlos. It hurts," Kendall whimpered. He inwardly hated himself for acting so vulnerable. But he couldn't help it. The pain in his back had flared to unbearable. He just wanted to cry until it went away, but he knew Carlos would freak out if he started crying.

"What's hurting you?" Carlos whispered, reaching down to rub Kendall's arm. This time, Kendall leaned into the touch.

"I probably just ate something bad," Kendall answered in a strained voice. Yeah, that was what was bothering him, food poisoning. He almost laughed at how obvious it seemed now. "I just have to wait for it to pass."

"Ok," Carlos said, getting into the tub next to him.

"What are you doing, Carlos?"

"Staying with you 'til it passes." The sweet Latino took Kendall's feet and gently messaged them, and Kendall relaxed a bit as he listened to his best friend sing "Halfway There".

About 30 minutes passed, and Carlos was getting sleepy, but was staying awake by counting the tiles and trying to guess how much toilet paper was left on the roll. Kendall's back pain had dulled to the usual ache but left him with a bad case of nausea.

"Are you feeling all right?" Carlos asked when he noticed Kendall tense up and eye the toilet warily.

Kendall didn't answer. He was afraid he'd puke everywhere like he did last time. As soon as he felt the bile start to rise in his throat, he made a mad dash to the toilet just in time to vomit what little he had in his stomach.

"Kendall! It's ok, I gotcha." Carlos knelt beside the trembling boy and rubbed his back gently. However, the gentle touch brought tears to Kendall's eyes that he quickly blinked away. 

"Carlos, please stop," He whimpered.

"Stop what?" Carlos asked, confused. What was he doing wrong?

"My back, that hurts.."

"Your back hurts?" Carlos asked, removing his hand. Kendall nodded. "Ok, I'm going to go get Logan."

"No, don't," Kendall pleaded, grabbing his friends wrist.

"He needs to know," Carlos said.

"But it's just something I ate, I'll be fine, ok? Don't tell Logan. Please?"

Carlos looked skeptical. Something inside him was saying something was wrong, telling him to go get Logan, now. But Kendall was never this blunt about how he was feeling and he didn't want to betray him.

"Ok, I won't tell Logan. But if you're not better soon, I will." He hoped Kendall would be ok. He hoped he was right to trust him when he said he only ate something bad. Carlos had his fair share of food poisoning in the past and from those experiences he knew Kendall would just need to puke a couple times and he'd be fine by morning.

Carlos gave Kendall a cup of water to rinse out his mouth with. "Do you want to go to bed now?"

"Ok," Kendall said, using the edge of the bathtub to stand up. Carlos held him under his shoulders and helped him to his feet.

"I'm fine now, Carlos. I just need some sleep."

"Are you sure?" Carlos asked, and Kendall hated that he was the reason the innocent boy looked so scared. It was obvious Carlos could tell that he couldn't stand up straight without pain and that he still had a fever.

"Yeah Carlos. I feel all right now," he lied. "Go to bed, ok?"

"Ok. Good night, Kendall. I hope you get better soon."

"Me too, buddy," Kendall said, and Carlos reluctantly left. Kendall sighed. He knew he was lucky to have such a sweet friend who was so willing to help that he'd spend the night in a bathtub singing for him. He knew his friends cared, a lot. He just couldn't bring himself to accept the fact that right now, he needed taking care of.

Kendall splashed cold water on his face and used the bathroom one last time before going back to his room. It was now 5 AM, and he was so tired, he fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

Logan decided to wake up a little earlier than usual to make a big breakfast as a way to "redeem" himself for having the video shoot postponed. He was still hurt that Kendall blew up at him last night, and Logan felt bad about calling off rehearsals without asking him first. Hopefully he could find a way to make Kendall forgive him.

He didn't even want to know what James' reaction would be. Hopefully syrupy, chocolate chip waffles, sausage, eggs, and chocolate milk would distract him from the disappointment.

"I smell food!" Carlos yelled from upstairs before Logan even got all the dishes on the table. He strapped on his helmet and barreled headfirst down swirly. He landed on his face with an "Oof!" and a "thud!" than sprung to his feet and ran to the kitchen table, where he stared at Logan with a huge, gleaming smile.

"Um, what?" Logan asked, finding Carlos' grin to be slightly creepy.

"Where's the food?" Carlos asked impatiently.

"It'll be ready in 10 minutes. Go get James. But don't disturb Kendall."

"Ok!" Carlos said. He launched himself up swirly and appeared a few minutes later with James.

"Ooh, what's the occasion?" James asked, his eyes nearly popping out of his head at the sight of the huge breakfast laid out before him. The only thing he loved more than singing and his looks was food. Well, pie to be exact. But waffles were a close second. "Lemme guess, it's because I'm having an amazing hair day?"

"Why would we celebrate your hair?" Carlos asked, pouring half a bottle of syrup on his waffles.

"Carlos!" Logan yelled, grabbing the bottle away as if Carlos was a 3 year old.

"Um, because my hair's sexy," James said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Carlos threw a piece of scrambled egg at his conceited friend.

"Guys we aren't celebrating anything," Logan said. "I made you this breakfast to make up for having to postpone our video shoot."

James stared at Logan like his entire world was just rocked. The forkful of egg he just shoved into his mouth fell out as his jaw hung agape in shock. Logan rolled his eyes.

"James, relax. It's just for a couple of days. Kendall's not feeling well and knowing him he'll be healthy as a horse by tomorrow."

James nodded, concerned for Kendall. His friends always came above everything else in his life. "Do you know what's wrong with him?"

Logan shrugged. "Beats me. It seems his only symptoms are an upset stomach and a fever. Could be a stomach flu. He doesn't even have a cough. It just really worried me how overworked he got yesterday. He can't work with a fever that high. So. I have a mission for us today."

James and Carlos both looked up from their food, their eyes wide with excitement. "What is it?" They asked simultaneously .

"Well, we all want Kendall to get better, right? So operation keep Kendall in bed and baby him starts now!"

"Woohoo!" Carlos cried. "Kkibbuh!"

Logan and James exchanged odd looks.

"Um, what's a kkibbuh?" James asked.

"It's a simile! K.K.I.B.B.U.H, Keep Kendall In Bed and Baby Him. kkibbuh!" Carlos said excitedly.

"That's an acronym, stupid," Logan said, which resulted in his face being pelted with scrambled egg by Carlos.

Yep, this was going to be a fun day.

**A/N I'm sorry this sucked! But there's a ton of fluff and action to come. We'll get to the good stuff soon! Please leave me a review! Just take 2 seconds to send me one because I'm still unsure about this and super nervous. Hope you liked it. Next chapter will be better if you love fluff!**


	5. pj party!

**A/N Hey guys! I have computer access tonight so I decided to be nice and update tonight! Thank you all so much for your reviews, it means so much to me! Ya'll rock **

"When's Kendall gonna wake up?" Carlos groaned. It was only 10 am and he was bored out of his gourd. James had gone to the store to buy some new Cuda products and Logan was scrubbing away at the breakfast dishes, so Carlos had nobody to play with.

"I don't know, just let him sleep right now. The more he sleeps, the sooner he'll get better."

Carlos' shoulders slumped. "But I wanna play dome hockey."

"You can't play dome hockey with him anyway, Carlitos. He's sick, remember? Why don't you read a book?"

Carlos laughed like his brunette friend was insane and left to go play video games. Logan sighed and continued his cleaning. By noon, the entire kitchen was shiny and spotless and immaculate, and Kendall was not up yet. This worried Logan. He needed his sleep, but he also needed to drink fluids and eat and who knows how his fever was doing.

"Hey Carlos, will you go check on Kendall?" Logan asked.

"Me? Why don't you?" Carlos asked. It's not that Carlos didn't want to check on Kendall, he just didn't think he was very good at tis doctor stuff.

"Because Kendall's mad at me and I have to grovel for his forgiveness before I bother him anymore."

"Wait, why is Kendall mad at you?" Carlos asked when he saw the sadness in Logan's eyes.

"Long story, just go check on his fever and bring him these crackers and this bottle of Gatorade. Make him stay in bed. He'll listen to you."

Carlos shrugged. "Oh. Bye!" He took the little tray Logan gave him and crawled up swirly. He knocked on Kendall's door and when he got no answer he came in.

"Kendall? You awake?" No answer. "I brought you some stuff." Carlos sat on the edge of Kendall's bed and set the tray down. "Oh, Kendall…" The tall boy looked absolutely ill, wrapped tightly in blankets that were drenched in his sweat and shaking uncontrollably.

Kendall stirred and curled in on himself, brining his blankets in tighter. Green, glassy, unfocused eyes forced themselves open and he stared at Carlos, looking kinda confused.

"Kendall, are you ok?" Carlos asked. He reached under a soaked mop of blonde bangs and stroked them back so he could feel for fever.

"Enh.. What time is it?" Kendall moaned, wincing slightly at the pain radiating from his back and sides into his stomach.

"It's past noon. You need to drink some Gatorade and eat."

"I'm not hungry Carlos. Did Logan put you up to this?"

"Yes. But you know he's right, Kendall. Please eat?"

Kendall shook his head. "Not right now. Maybe later."

"Hey Kendall?"

"What, Carlos?" Kendall asked. He tried to keep his voice from sounding clipped but he just wanted to sleep.

"I'm no doctor but I'm pretty sure you didn't just eat a bad corndog. You look like you have the flu."

Kendall nodded. He felt horrible. This had to be the worst flu in the history of flu's. "Yeah, I think it's the stomach flu. How's Logan doing?"

"He's fine. He's kinda sad though. Why are you mad at him?"

Kendall groaned and rubbed his eyes. "Crap. I'm not mad at him." Kendall made a move to get up, but Carlos pushed him back down. Kendall drew in a sharp breath. "Ow, Carlos! What was that for?"

"Logan says you have to stay in bed."

Kendall tried to sit up again, which took all the strength he didn't have. "Yeah but-"

"Nope, stay in bed!" Carlos ordered, holding his arms down.

"But Carlos!" Kendall whined. "I have to-"

"Logan told me-"

"Stop it Carlos!" Kendall yelled. "Get off me!"

"What is going on in here?" Logan asked, throwing Carlos off a near-tears Kendall.

"I have to go to the bathroom and he won't let me!" Kendall cried.

"Carlos!" Logan knocked his goofy friend upside the head. "Kendall, go to the bathroom and get back here. Carlos, what are you thinking?"

"You told me to keep him in bed!" Carlos said defensively. Logan rolled his eyes.

"The dude has to use the bathroom! How's his fever?"

"Really high. I don't think he feels very good, Logan."

"Yeah, I don't think so either. I've got it from here, Carlos. Thanks for your help." Logan said. Carlos left and Kendall came back in, looking pale and with a pained expression across his features. Logan noticed he was dripping with sweat.

"Kendall, get out of those wet clothes before you get sicker," Logan instructed. He went into a dresser drawer and pulled out a tshirt and a pair of plaid pajama pants. "Put these on and lay back down. How do you feel?"

"I'm ok," Kendall said unconvincingly as he dressed in the dry clothes. "We really don't have to cancel rehearsal, I'll be fine."

"Kendall, let it go," Logan said. "Now you can be mad at me all you want but I'm not letting you do 10 hours of intense aerobic exercise in a hot studio while you're this sick, ok? In the meanwhile, James and Carlos aren't upset at you. They actually agree with me. 3 against 1, buddy. Now get in bed."

Kendall muttered something under his breath, but got into bed without a fight. He knew nothing would change Logan's mind, but he figured he might as well do some pouting for good measure.

Logan sat on Kendall's bed and handed him the bottle of Gatorade. "Will you at least try to drink some of this? You need to stay hydrated. You don't want to end up in the hospital with something as stupid as dehydration, do you?"

"Just give me the stupid bottle," Kendall said, swiping it from Logan's hand. He took a long swig and gave Logan a falsely sweet smile. "There, happy?"

"As a unicorn," Logan said sarcastically. Kendall frowned. Logan usually made sarcastic jokes when he was upset about something.

"Logan are you ok?" Kendall asked with a sigh, and the doctor-in-training shrugged.

"Well, I'd be a lot happier if you would just tell me what's wrong and not hate me for it. I need to know your symptoms you can start feeling better. I want to make you feel better."

Kendall gave Logan a sympathetic look. "I don't hate you, Logan. I'm really sorry I've been so cold to you lately. You don't deserve it."

Logan gave Kendall a half smile, touched by Kendall's apology. "It's ok, don't worry about it. Right now we just have to worry about lowering your temperature. What's bothering you besides your stomach? Head, throat?"

Kendall shook his head. "No, it's all in my gut."

"Hmm well I can give you some ibuprofen for the fever, but we just sorta have to wait these things out. Not much I can do for stomach flu's. If it goes on for too long I can pick you up some Dramamine but that's usually for uncontrollable vomiting. I think it'd be best if we just let it pass on it's own."

Kendall nodded. "How long do you think it will take me to get better?"

"Hopefully only 2 or 3 days. The more you relax and listen to me, the quicker you can get to feeling better. I'll let you alone so you can get some sleep. I'll get some ibuprofen and I'll be back in a little while to get you some soup and check your fever."

"Ok. Thanks, Logan," Kendall said, and Logan smiled because he could tell he really meant it.

"You're welcome, buddy." Logan got his sick friend some medicine and left to give him some peace and quiet.

"Is Kendall better yet?" Carlos asked as soon as Logan closed the door behind him, popping up out of nowhere.

"Gah- Carlos, where do you come from?" Logan asked, startled. To this, Carlos shrugged and pointed to the floor.

"I've just been sitting here waiting. Is Kendall better yet?" Carlos repeated the question.

"No, he's not better yet. Patience, Carlos. It's a virtue." Logan slid down swirly with Carlos right behind him, kicking his back the whole way down. Logan was ready to slap Carlos or put him to bed and it was only 1 0' clock in the afternoon.

"Oh good, you're back," Logan said when he saw James setting up a video game in the living room. "Carlos, you bother James for a bit. I'm going to go to the store and buy some supplies for Kendall. And do NOT bother him. Stay 10 feet from his door a all times. I'll be back within in an hour."

"Woot, house to ourselves for an hour!" James cried, slapping Carlos a highfive.

"Just don't burn it down" Logan remarked.

James and Carlos spent a good 45 minutes blowing things up before Kendall came in with flushed cheeks, disheveled hair, and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. They paused the game and watched him plop down on the couch next to them.

"Dude, aren't you supposed to be in bed?" Carlos asked. Kendall shrugged.

"I got bored." It was true. He hadn't been able to fall asleep and staring at a wall wasn't a good distraction from the pain. But he could feel James' eyes burning into him and it was making him uncomfortable. "James, quit staring at me. I'm fine."

"Well no offense but you look kinda gross," James said.

"Dude!" Kendall said loudly. Suddenly, a boom of thunder sent James and Carlos to their feet with a shriek from both of them. Kendall rolled his eyes.

"Wow, you guys are so manly," He teased. Carlos ran to the window.

"It's really pouring out there!" He said excitedly. "Ooh, we should have a pajama and movie party when Logan comes back!"

"We should do a what when I come back?" Logan asked, walking through the door. He shook raindrops from his dark hair and took off his damp jacket. He had luckily only been out in the rain for 5 seconds.

"Pajama party! Can we please?" Carlos asked, jutting out his lower lip. He was actually excited to be able to spend time with all 3 of his best friends doing something other than recording and rehearsing.

"Yeah, can we?" Kendall asked, mimicking Carlos' puppy dog face. He figured if he was stuck home all day, he may as well make the best of it.

Logan had to force himself not to look amused. "I don't know, I thought I told you to stay in bed?"

Kendall smiled sheepishly. "You don't really expect me to lay up there all alone all day, do oyou?"

"Fine, we can have a pajama party. Carlos, you get the blankets and pillows, James, you're in charge of the blow up bed." Logan waited 'til his friends ran to get the supplies before sitting next to Kendall.

"How you feeling, buddy?"

"The same," Kendall replied, and Logan placed a hand on his burning forehead.

"You're really hot," Logan said, than handed him a bag from a drugstore. "I got you some stuff."

"Ooh, gifts," Kendall said, tearing into the paper bag. There were 2 hockey magazines, a DVD of a movie he'd been wanting to see, crackers, ginger ale, cans of chicken noodle soup, and- "Pedialyte?" Kendall asked, holding up a bottle of the liquid with a teddy bear on the label. Was Logan really going to make him drink this?

"What? It's good for you. It gives you all the nutrients of Gatorade plus some, without all the sugar and crap. I'm just trying to cover all bases here."

"I'm not 4," Kendall said, setting the bottle down and digging into the paper bag once more. "What's this?" he asked, holding up a box.

"It's a thermometer. Check it out." Logan opened up the box to reveal an odd looking device. "You stick it in your ear instead of under you're tongue since I know you hate those kind. Here, tilt your head."

Kendall tilted his head to the side, and he felt Logan move his hair and something stick in his ear. It was a kind of weird feeling, but he heard a click and Logan removed the thermometer. It only took 2 seconds.

"One-oh-two point five.," Logan read aloud. "That's pretty high, Kendall. We need to keep an eye on that. If you start feelings worse, you need to tell me right away, got it?"

"Aye aye, Captain Doctor Logan," Kendall said with a salute. Logan nodded, satisfied.

"Good. There's something else in there too. I was inspired by the whole pedialyte thing."

Kendall raised his eyebrows and reached back into the bag. He wrapped his fingers around something soft and furry and pulled out a brown teddy bear. Even Kendall had to admit it was cute.

'A teddy bear?" He asked with a laugh.

"Squeeze its tummy. Do it!" Logan said, and Kendall squeezed the bear's middle.

"Get well soon!" It squeaked in a creepy-high voice.

"Logan, it's awesome," Kendall said sincerely. He could always count on his friend's randomness to make him feel better. "You really went all out. Thank you." Kendall turned and wrapped his small friend into a hug. Logan's smile was huge. He was really hoping the gifts would help Kendall accept his sickness and it seemed to be doing the trick.

'Movie time!" Carlos yelled, throwing down blankets and pillows off of the 2nd floor.

"Pop her in!" Kendall said, giving Logan his new movie. A few minutes later, Carlos and James were shoving popcorn into their mouths and spilling it all over the blow-up mattress, and Logan was seated on the couch next to Kendall who was slowly eating a small bowl of soup Logan had made him. He only ate a few spoonful's of the soup and drank a couple swigs of ginger ale before nausea was added to the pains in his stomach.

"Ugh, I'm done," Kendall said, setting the bowl down. "I can't eat anymore." He did not want to throw up again. The 2 times he had so far had only jarred his back terribly. He didn't think he could stand the crippling pain one more time.

"At least you ate something," Logan said. "Lie down now, ok?" Logan grabbed a pillow and set it on the couch, and Kendall coiled up into a ball. Logan felt the sick boy's forehead and frowned when he thought it felt slightly warmer than it did just a short while ago.

"Kendall, you all right?" Logan asked, tucking a blanket over his friend.

"Just tired," He said with a shiver. He welcomed the blankets warmth and closed his eyes. He really wasn't feeling good, no matter how upbeat he tried to remain.

"Ok, get some sleep buddy. We're right here for you, ok?" Logan leaned over and rubbed Kendall's arm until he heard soft snores.

"Is he going to be ok?" James asked. Not one of the boys paid attention to the movie at the moment. Instead, all eyes were on Kendall, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest. "His skin is so gray, Logan."

"Honestly, my doctor instincts are going crazy," Logan said. "He's hiding something. I've known him long enough to know when he's lying." The young doctor grabbed the thermometer and placed it in Kendall's ear. He moaned, but it didn't wake him up.

"One-oh-two point eight. His fever's going up, fast. Even though I gave him some fever reducers."

'Should we call his mom?" Carlos asked. He always told his Mommy when he was feeling sick. Mothers deserved to know that kind of stuff, plus they seemed to harbor super powers that make you feel better with just a hug.

"I don't know, Katie and Mama Knight were really looking forward to this vacation," Logan said. "I'm sure Kendall has told her, too. If his fever doesn't break by morning, I'll tell her to head home."

Kendall soon started acting restless. He whimpered every once in awhile and thrashed his legs around. Intense nausea finally woke him up. He weakly got to his feet and tried to run for the bathroom, but tripped over the blow-up mattress and fell to his knees.

"Kendall, are you ok?" James asked as he, Carlos, and Logan rushed to his aide.

"I'm gonna puke," Kendall said. He did not want to puke in the middle of the apartment. James pulled him to his feet but Kendall barely made a few more steps before his legs gave out from underneath him and once again he was on his hands and knees, this time throwing up violently.

"You're ok, it's ok," Carlos talked Kendall through it, running his fingers through his hair.

"Ugh, I think it's over," Kendall said after what seemed like forever, and Logan winced at how harsh his voice sounded.

"Are you alright?" Logan asked, wiping Kendall's mouth with a tissue.

"I just puked on the kitchen floor, what do you think?" Kendall asked bitterly. He was beyond humiliated at the way his stomach was suddenly betraying him.

"Don't even worry about it, I'll clean up," Logan said. "Go lie down."

Kendall tried to get to his feet, with no avail. He wanted to scream at the pain in his back. His legs felt like jello. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Come here, I got you," James said, lifting Kendall easily and carrying him the short distance to the couch. James than went to go help Logan, and Carlos leaned in close to Kendall.

"Should I tell Logan your back hurts now?" The small Latino asked, and Kendall shook his head, panic shrouding his fever bright eyes.

'No, it was just a pulled muscle Carlos. I promise I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine. Please stop saying that. What if... Kendall, what if it's something serious? I know I made you cry when I touched your back last night. Pulled muscles aren't that bad."

"Well, this one is," Kendall snapped. "Look Carlos, it'll go away by itself."

Carlos frowned, too worried to be upset that Kendall snapped at him. "Fine, but if it's not better by tomorrow, I'm telling him. Here, take a sip of this?" Carlos handed Kendall one of the bottles of pedialyte.

"I don't want it Carlos."

"But you need it. Logan wouldn't have bought it for you if you didn't. Just a sip?"

Kendall nodded. His throat was dry. He let Carlos open the bottle for him, and he took a long, slow drink of the sweet liquid before cuddling back into his pillow.

"Go to sleep," Carlos soothed. "You'll be better soon, I promise."

Kendall let the presence of his best friends calm him down. Logan sat down beside him and James sat as close to the couch as possible, as did Carlos. It was quiet in 2J. The room was dim from the overcast the storm cause, and the occasional rumble of thunder and steady pitter-patter of rain lulled Kendall to sleep.

**A/N Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes I'm dead tired. Please please please review! Oh! I have a spoiler alert! Next chapter we find out what's wrong with Kendall. It's going to be awesome! Hopefully, I can get it up tomorrow! Oh and if anybody caught my typo in the last chapter: K.K.I.B.B.H is an acronym, and when Carlos said it, he pronounced it "Kibbuh!"I am aware that there is no "u" in "Keep Kendall in Bed and Baby Him" lol.**


	6. Nightmare

**A/N Woot 2 updates in technically one day! I wanted chapter 5 to be up by yesterday evening because I had a rare computer access but I ended up not posting it til like 1 in the morning lol. Hope you like this chapter and thanks for the reviews! Oh and I have a funny story. I was woken up at 6 am this morning to the sounds of the 2 year old I nanny babble on and on about Big Time Rush! Oh Lord, he's as addicted as I am. I also don't own them, although I would if I didn't chicken out on my plan on kidnapping them from the Tulsa Int'l airport.**

Kendall was running from something. He didn't know what or who. Wherever he was, it was pitch black. And than he saw them, dark shadows creeping around corners, grabbing at his wrists and ankles. Kendall tried to scream but no sound came out, and he could run no longer. The shadows smothered his frail body, forcing him to the floor and pressing down hard on his back and sides. Blinding pain shot through his torso. God it hurt so badly. His heart was pounding. Just when he thought the shadows wouldn't stop, a loud crash of thunder happened and just like that, the shadows were off him.

Kendall sat up on the couch with a gasp of fear and pain. He was no longer in a pitch-black room, but in his familiar, comfortable apartment, dimly lit by the television and a single lamp in the corner. Home, he was home. It was a nightmare. He realized Logan was watching him with scared eyes.

"Kendall?"

"Logan, I'm ok. Just a nightmare," Kendall sighed.

Logan's lip jutted out in a sympathetic pout, and he patted his friend's knee. "Wanna talk about it?"

Kendall shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It wasn't that bad, Logie. Probably from the thunderstorm." He cringed when another boom of thunder sounded through the apartment.

Logan reached over and felt Kendall's forehead. "And probably from your fever, too. How're you feeling?"

Kendall brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them, hoping it would calm his constant shivering. "Honestly? Pretty sick."

"Mm, fever's will do that to you," Logan said with a yawn, and it was than that Kendall realized that James and Carlos were fast asleep and Logan looked like he had just woken up, even though it was only 7 in the evening.

"Did I wake you?" Kendall asked, feeling guilty. He hated being such a burden too his friends.

"Oh, don't worry about it," Logan said. "Do you need me to get you anything?"

Kendall shook his head. 'I need to pee. I'll be right back," He said as he untangled himself from his blankets. He was now unable to stand up straight. He stumbled, doubled over, clutching his sides, to yet another painful visit to the bathroom, than washed his flushed face with cold water. When was this going to end, and why was it only getting worse?

"_Cause you need to go to the doctor," _A little voice said inside Kendall's mind, but he ignored it. No way was he going to the doctor. He hated doctors. Besides, he didn't want to ruin his mom and Katie's vacation and freak his friends out. It would go away on it's own. Kendall knew he was in denial, he knew it was serious. But he was stronger than it. He had to be.

Kendall made his way back to the couch and lay down, curling up on his side so he could clutch his middle. Logan rubbed his shoulder.

"Did you get sick again? You look terrible."

"No, I think my stomach's empty finally. It just hurts a lot now."

Logan smiled and reached over to tuck Kendall's new stuffed animal into his arms, and Kendall returned the smile. "You'll feel better soon, Kendall. Just relax. Sleep it off."

"You get some sleep too," Kendall mumbled, his eyelids feeling like lead, and he fell asleep before Logan could answer him.

Fire and knives. That's how Kendall would describe the pain in his back that woke him up in the middle of the night. His bladder was ready to explode and he felt like vomiting. Tears mixed with sweat poured down his flushed face. Something was seriously wrong.

"Logan," Kendall squeaked. "W-wake up." He nudged the smaller boy with his foot weakly. Logan only snored louder and smacked his lips, showing no signs of waking from his deep sleep, and James and Carlos had gone to sleep in their bedroom. Kendall didn't have time to try to wake Logan up. He was going to throw up. He weakly got to his feet and limped to the bathroom as fast as he could, than vomited violently into the toile, tremors rocking his entire body.

"Ahh," Kendall groaned. He flushed his mess, than slumped onto the bathroom floor, writhing in pain. He tried to call for his friends but he couldn't form the words. For a moment, he thought he'd be stuck on the floor for well, forever. But the urge to pee was too strong and he somehow got to his feet and used the toilet.

A strangled sob escaped Kendall's throat when he released. Not just because of the burning pain, but because the water in the toilet was now bright red. Blood red. And Kendall was scared shitless.

Kendall zipped up and tried to make it back into the living room, but he ended up seated at the kitchen table, sobbing and shaking, waiting for someone to find him.

He didn't have to wait long. When soft sobbing woke Logan and he didn't see Kendall lying next to him, he followed the heart-wrenching sounds to find Kendall hunched over the kitchen table, head resting on his arms and his thin body quaking with each sob. Logan's heart dropped and his stomach felt queasy. He had never seen Kendall cry like this before.

"Kendall, ssh, it's ok buddy. What happened? Look at me, buddy." Logan put Kendall's hot, wet face in his hands and turned it towards him. Kendall's eyes were glassy and unfocused and Logan wondered if the poor boy was delirious.

"Kendall, please tell me what's wrong," Logan pleaded, and Kendall grabbed Logan's wrists.

'I'm s-sorry," The feverish boy gasped. Yep, he was definitely delirious.

"It's ok, Kendall. Calm down, breathe. You're hyperventilating yourself." Logan stroked Kendall's hair back and held his face gently, wiping away quick-falling tears with is thumb. "Deep breaths, ok?"

"I c-can't. It hurts, Logan."

"What hurts? Tell me, and I can fix it."

"No, you can't," Kendall sobbed. "I'm sorry."

"Ok, hold on. You're burning up." Logan got a towel from a kitchen drawer and soaked it in cold water, than brought a chair up as close as possible to Kendall so he could wrap an arm around his scared friend's shoulder and wipe his face with the wet towel. Kendall leaned his head on Logan's shoulder and let his young friend cool him off.

"What are you sorry for?" Logan asked when Kendall was no longer hyperventilating. He was still crying though.

"For not telling you," Kendall said with a sniffle.

"Not telling me what, buddy?"

Kendall drew in a deep breath. "That I'm dying, Logan!" Kendall wailed.

"Whoa, wait- what?" Logan asked, completely shocked. Was Kendall being serious, or was this just the fever talking? "Kendall, why would you say something like that?"

"I-I-," Kendall cut off. He sounded embarrassed. He wanted to tell Logan, but how do you tell your best friend you're pissing blood?

"Come on, tell me," Logan prodded. 'I'll understand. It's ok."

"I went to the bathroom and I peed blood," Kendall said. Ok, Logan wasn't expecting that. But his diagnosis hit him immediately. Logan felt bad to do it, but he pressed gently on his friends lower back with two hands, resulting in a scream from Kendall. Logan was absolutely stunned. He knew right away what his leader had been hiding from him.

"Kendall, come on, we need to go to the hospital, now," Logan ordered, trying to keep his voice steady and panic free. It wasn't working too well.

"What, no, I don't-" Kendall tried to argue, fear hitting him like a brick, as if he wasn't scared enough already.

"Kendall you have a double kidney infection and you're coming with me right now. I'll help you walk." Logan put Kendall's jacket on him and pulled up the hood, knowing it was still raining, and practically dragged the crying boy to the car. He'd get Carlos and James later. Right now, his first priority was getting Kendall help as fast as possible.

TO BE CONTINUED

**A/N You just witnessed the breaking of Kendall Donald Knight Please review? Makes me happy. Thanks guys!**


	7. crash

**A/N Thanks so much for the reviews everyone! And a shoutout to my "biggest fan" Anna, thanks for your review and no I never seen House of Anubis and I don't hate Kendall, I just think he needs to be put in his place haha. Ok on with the story!**

Logan got Kendall to the car as quickly as he could, considering it was pouring rain so hard they could barely keep their eyes open, let alone see 2 feet ahead of them.

"Logan, I'm f-freezing," Kendall said after Logan loaded him into the car. Logan turned on the heat and took Kendall's wet jacket off.

"I know, just hang on buddy." Logan turned in his seat and fished around in the backseat for an extra jacket. When he found one, he wrapped it around Kendall's shoulders.

"Thank you," Kendall murmured. He leaned against the passenger side door and pressed his burning forehead to the cool window.

"We'll be at the hospital in a little bit. Just close your eyes and relax," Logan said as he started to drive on the rain-soaked streets. He knew the nearest hospital was 20 minutes away. The good news: The L.A traffic was pretty much non-existent. The bad news: It was probably going to take twice as long to get to their destination because the rain was so intense he couldn't see a thing even with the wipers on the fastest setting.

"Logan..." Kendall moaned about 15 minutes into the car ride. Logan had thought Kendall had fallen asleep by how quiet he was being.

"What's up buddy?" The smaller boy asked, not taking his eyes off the road. He wanted to comfort his ailing friend, but at the moment driving was taking all his concentration. Really, everything combined was too much stress for Logan to handle, and he was trying his very hardest not to faint.

"Are we almost there?" Kendall asked weakly.

"Yes, just a little bit longer. How're you holding up?"

"Not s'good. I'm gonna throw up."

"Oh no. Ok. I'm gonna pull over." Logan put on his blinkers and pulled over to the curb, and Kendall leaned his head out the door, getting whipped in the face with freezing rain as he vomited. He stayed slouched over, lacking the strength to even sit back up. Logan took his arm and gently pulled him up, than reached over and shut the door.

"You're alright. The doctors are going to give you some pain medication and antibiotics, ok?" Logan stroked Kendall's hair back soothingly. Kendall sobbed, unable to take anymore. He just wanted this to be over.

"Logie, can you call my mom when we get there? I want my mom," Kendall said in between sobs.

"Of course, buddy," Logan gave Kendall's shoulder a reassuring pat and resumed his driving, this time stepping on the gas a little bit harder when he saw there were literally no cars on the road. They weren't driving for very long when Logan heard a loud pop and the car slid out of control on the flooded pavement.

"Kendall, hold on!" Logan yelled, pressing hard on his brakes in a desperate attempt to regain control of the wheel. He was unsuccessful. It all happened faster than his brain could comprehend. Everything was a blur as the car spun wildly down the steep hill, but Logan could hear it all happening: Kendall's screaming, the screech of the tires, one of which was flat, and the sickening crunch of a 2 ton vehicle being wrapped around a light pole, all seemingly synched with the booming thunder.

And than it was silent and dark.

**A/N Whoa. Who saw that coming? Because I sure as heck didn't. Ok, next chapter will be up at about 5 or 6 this evening. I'm not mean enough to keep you hanging for very long. Let me know what you thought! I loveth reviews.**


	8. poison

**A/N Ok so BTS was the best episode ever! Carlos and James were so cuddly, and James was practically humping Kendall, and the awkward moan sounds they made as they passed by face down on various things was way to funny. Plus the fact that they used some legit choreography made me so happy! Ok now you get to find out whom I killed off! J/K I don't kill my babies I wuv them.**

Kendall was the first to come too. Not that he wanted to wake up. He was perfectly fine in his unconscious, dead-to the-world state. He wanted to be dead, because the pure agony he was in right now was unbearable. He opened his mouth in a silent scream and took in quick gasps of air, trying to stay calm. It took a moment for Kendall to realize what happened, and than it hit him: "car accident."

Kendall coughed painfully and slowly tried to turn to Logan. His ribs had taken a beating, but Logan was all that mattered right now. His heart pounded when he saw his small friend in his seat with a bloody gash on his forehead.

"Logan, please wake up," Kendall said, shaking his unconscious friends arm. When he didn't wake, Kendall raised his voice and slapped Logan's cold cheek several times, and finally he came too. Kendall wanted to scoop his tiny body into his arms and hold him protectively right than, but he had enough hockey practice to know not to move a concussed patient, and surely Logan had a concussion.

"Kendall?" Logan squeaked out weakly. His brain was foggy and his body was sore.

"Just take it easy, we had a car accident," Kendall said, and Logan clearly heard the pain laced in Kendall's voice.

"Oh my God, no," Logan said, sitting up a little too fast. He felt an overwhelming sense of dizziness and his ribs screamed in protest but he turned to Kendall regardless. "Are you alright, Kendall? Are you hurt?"

"I hit my head, but it's not bad. I- I really hurt though, Logan." Now that Kendall knew his younger friend was alive, the sudden rush of adrenaline was gone as quickly as it came, and he was reminded that he had been terribly ill in the first place. That was the whole damn reason they were in this accident. He was the reason why Logan's head was bleeding at this moment and he hated himself for it.

Kendall reached into the glove compartment and gave Logan a tissue, and Logan took it gratefully and pressed it against his forehead. Kendall wished he could take care of Logan but right now, he could barely move.

"I'll call 911, Kendall. It'll be okay." Logan reached into his pocket for his cellphone only to discover that in his rush to get Kendall to a hospital, he had left his cellphone at home. "Kendall, you don't happen to have your cell phone, do you?"

"N-no," Kendall replied, and his voice sounded weak and worried, not to mention he was ghostly pale and sweating buckets. Logan reached over and felt Kendall's forehead. It was literally burning. Bad words Logan normally chastised crossed through his foggy and throbbing mind. This could not get worse. They were both hurt and stranded in a totaled car on a dark street in a part of town they never go to in the middle of the night, during a bad thunderstorm with wind so strong it shook the car and scary lightning flashing every 3 seconds. And Kendall was severely ill with a dangerously high fever. How could a situation like this possibly get worse?

"L-Logan, what're we gonna do?" Kendall asked in that weak, slurring voice. Logan wanted to cry. He wasn't used to having to be the strong one. He couldn't get his concussed and panicked brain to think of anything, except go out walking in the storm to find a phone even though the rows and rows of buildings on the L.A street were all dark and empty. He also knew he could easily get lost and possibly mugged in these unfamiliar surroundings, even though he was pretty sure even criminals were hiding right now; apparently the Big Time Rush mobile was the only car stupid enough to be on the road.

"We wait, buddy," Logan said. "A car is bound to pass by eventually and get us help, right?" He rubbed at his eyes, feeling extremely sleepy. He knew that was bad, so he opened up his door and let the rain whip him in the face for a couple minutes to wake himself up.

"Yeah, we'll jus' stay together," Kendall slurred. Even with his fever-stricken mind he knew Logan should not be walking around in the rain in his condition. He wouldn't let him.

"We just have to keep talking to each other," Logan said, worried by how faint Kendall's voice was sounding. Logan took off his seatbelt and scooted across the bench seat so he could wrap his arm around Kendall, and Kendall leaned against him and put his head on his shoulder.

"I wish we had on star," Logan said. "Or whatever it's called. That would really come in handy right now."

Kendall tried to smile. "Piece of junk," He joked, even though he loved this car. "Try explaining this to Carlos and James."

Logan chuckled. "They'll murder us," he said, but he knew the car would be least on their minds when they found out he and Kendall were in the hospital.

Several minutes passed and not one car passed by. Logan was attempting to keep Kendall talking by asking him his favorite colors', his favorite concert memory, and joking about the time a fan nearly raped James onstage. She had torn off his shirt and it took 3 security guards to pry her off of him.

But the minutes passed to an hour and Kendall was fading. His body temperature was rising fast and new, alarming symptoms suddenly appeared. Kendall started shivering so violently he was making Logan shake and nothing would stop the tremors. He was also breathing rapidly; quick, shallow breaths that scared Logan.

"Mommy stop shaking me," Kendall mumbled, burying his face into Logan's shoulder.

"Wh-what?" Logan asked, shocked. He felt Kendall's hot tears pour onto his neck. A boom of thunder sounded, and Kendall whimpered.

"The dinosaurs!" Kendall cried.

"Kendy, you aren't making sense. What's the matter?" Logan asked. There was another clap of thunder, making Logan's head throb even more, and Kendall clung onto him as if he were 3 years old. It suddenly dawned on him that Kendall was delirious, and for some odd reason, he must've thought the thunder was dinosaurs.

"No, Kendall, there are no dinosaurs, it's thunder," Logan said, holding his friend tighter.

"I want Logan," Kendall sobbed. "It hurts."

"Ssh, it's ok. I'm right here, I'm Logan, remember?" Logan's voice was tight with fear.

"Oh," Kendall said. "I'm glad you're here, Logie. Why aren't I in bed?"

"B-because we were in a car accident, buddy."

"I'm so dizzy and sleepy, Logie." Kendall said, nuzzling into Logan's chest.

"What? No, no, no, Kendall you gotta stay awake. I'm really tired too but we can't go to sleep." Logan nudged Kendall, but the sick blonde didn't open his eyes.

"Goodnight, Logan," He said.

"No Kendall, don't fall asleep!" He tried shaking him but it was no use. He was out like a light. Logan knew this was not normal. The symptoms seemed vaguely familiar, like he read it before. High fever, rapid breathing, confusion, violent chills..

Kendall had sepsis.

"Oh God, please no," Logan whispered. Just when he thought it couldn't get any worse. He wanted to be wrong, but he was sure Kendall had blood poisoning, and he needed medical treatment, now. There was no more time to wait, Logan had to get to a phone and call 911 before Kendall went into septic shock, before his organs were permanently damaged, before he _died._

"I'll be right back, bro. I'm gonna get you help," Logan whispered, gently pushing Kendall off him and sitting him into what he hoped was a comfortable position.

Logan didn't want to leave Kendall. In fact, it was probably one of the most difficult decisions he ever made. But he knew sepsis was fatal, so he got out of the totaled car, locked the doors and made a mental note of what street they were on.

Being that he was dizzy, a strong gust of wind nearly knocked him down before he could take his first step. His head pounded miserably and he was already soaked to the bone, but he took off in a half walk/run down the empty street.

Despite his adrenaline, Logan grew weak quickly. His concussion made him disorientated and nauseous, but he kept running. He had to save Kendall.

Finally, he saw blurry lights in the distance on a storefront. He couldn't tell if they were blurry because of the rain or because his vision was starting to ebb away, but relief flooded over him and he ran to the end of the block and entered a small, 24-hour diner, empty save for one waitress.

"What the…?" The young waitress trailed off, stunned at the sight of a panicked, bloody, rain-soaked boy limping into her restaurant.

"I- help," Logan said, unable to form a coherent sentence, and the waitress lunged forward to catch Logan when he stumbled and nearly face planted onto the floor. She dragged him to a booth and sat him down.

"Are you ok?" Asked the young woman, no older than 30.

"M-my friend... Car accident on 71st, please… Call 911. He- he has a kidney infection and blood poisoning..." Once he released the information, Logan finally welcomed the darkness shrouding his vision.

**A/N Thanks for reading! Review if you can it makes me super happy! Now I'm gonna go watch James do his little Russian dance in "If I ruled the world" for the 10****th**** time hee hee! Ps I can't update till Friday but I'll probably update more than once this weekend, yay!**


	9. critical

**A/N Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews and a special shout out to my 100****th**** reviewer, Always Confuzzled! Woot! Ya'll get cookies or jello or ponies or whatever you want **

"Carlos, answer the phone!" James whined into his pillow. It was 2 am and the landline was ringing and whoever it was would not give up.

"You answer it!" Carlos whined back, sinking into his blankets further. Carlos was always impossible to wake up, so James rolled out of bed and went to his desk to answer the phone.

"Hello?" He asked groggily.

"Hello, is this the Knight residence?" A strange man's voice asked.

"Um, yes.. Who is this?" James asked, confused as to why some old man was calling him in the middle of the night.

"I'm afraid I need to talk to the mother's of Kendall Knight and Logan Mitchell."

"Um, Mrs. Knight is our mom, she's on vacation. I'm their brother. Can you please tell me who this is?"

"James, what's going on?" Carlos asked, wide awake now. James shushed him.

"My name's Doctor Johnson at Mercy Hospital. I'm sorry, but your brothers were in a car accident."

"Wh-what?" James breathed, feeling light-headed at the information. His legs buckled and he fainted, but Carlos was right there to catch him. The Latino held him in one arm and took the phone in his free hand.

"Who is this?" Carlos demanded, angry at whoever made James faint.

The man on the other line sighed, obviously slightly annoyed he was talking to children and not an adult. "I'm Doctor Johnson at Mercy Hospital. We have Logan Mitchel and Kendall Knight in the I.C.U. They were both involved in a car accident and are in critical condition."

"But that's crazy, they're in bed," Carlos said in a tiny voice, his heart hammering against his chest.

"I'm sorry. I'll give you more information when you come here. You need to call your mother and hurry here, can you do that?"

Carlos nodded, even though the man he was speaking to could not see him through the phone. "Okay." He dropped the phone and adjusted James' weight in his arms and shook him.

"Jamie, wake up! Kendall and Logan are hurt."

James stirred awake and Carlos set him upright. Immediately, tears welled in James' eyes. He thought stuff like this only happened in movies. He never believed he'd be woken up in the middle of the night to find out his friends-his brothers, were in a car accident. Were they even alive? He saw fleeting images of their cold bodies lying on hard slabs in the basement of the hospital and felt sick in his stomach.

"Carlos, are they ok?" James choked out.

"They're alive, James," Carlos said, reading his friend's mind. "They're in I.C.U. We have to go."

"Ok, we'll take the van. Let's go," James said, trying to think clearly. He put his hand on Carlos' back and they headed to Mrs. Knight's van, which she had left at the apartment during her and Katie's vacation to New York City.

The ride to the hospital felt sort of surreal. Neither of the boys could really believe it. Luckily, the rain had finally ceased so they were able to drive there safely. Carlos attempted to call Mrs. Knight several times, but she was obviously sleeping and her phone must have been off.

At last, James pulled into the hospital parking lot and they ran in. It still seemed like an out of body experience, but being at the hospital made it feel more real.

"Hi, we're here to see Kendall Knight and Logan Mitchel, we're his brothers," James said quickly to the nurse at the front desk.

"Ok, one moment please.." The nurse typed in something, then raised her eyebrows in worry. "Ah, yes. I'm going to have to speak with their mother's first, they're both in critical condition."

James sighed in anger. "Mrs. Knight is the legal guardian of all 4 of us and she's in New York City right now and not answering her phone. Now let me see my brothers! James cried excitedly.

"Ok, calm down. Let me call their doctor. What are your names?"

"I'm Carlos, this is James," The Latino said timidly because James seemed to upset to speak. The nurse called Doctor Johnson.

"Hello, Dr. Johnson I have Carlos and James here, the brothers of Kendall Knight and Logan Mitchel.. All right, I'll tell them." The nurse hung up her phone and turned to the scared young boys in front of her desk. "DR. Johnson will be here in a few minutes. Please take a seat."

"Thanks," Carlos muttered. He took James' arm and led him to the waiting room.

"Isn't critical condition bad?" James asked. He knew that question was stupid but he just wasn't sure _exactly_ how bad it was. Carlos nodded. He knew nothing about hospitals either, but he knew through common sense that if Kendall and Logan were in critical condition than they were in bad shape.

"James and Carlos?" A voice asked, and the boys looked up to see a man in his late 40's dressed in a doctor's coat. They quickly stood up and started bombarding him with questions.

"Are they ok?"

"Are they awake?"

"Where are they?"

"What's wrong-"

"Boys calm down," The man said gently. "I'm DR. Johnson, and I'm taking care of Kendall and Logan. They're both unconscious right now but Logan's being moved to Trauma because he's not in immediate danger anymore. I'll explain him first. He has several bruised ribs and a pretty bad concussion from the accident. He needed 5 stitches on the left side of his forehead, and he experienced stage one hypothermia because with the concussion he ran a whole mile in the freezing rain to get Kendall help. He's stable now and he'll be fine in a couple days. Kendall, however, along with a mild concussion and bruised ribs, has a double kidney infection and septicemia."

"Wh-what is that?" Carlos asked. Obviously Kendall had an infection, but he had no clue what it meant.

"Kendall has been suffering from both of his kidneys being severely infected for several days, and the infection spread into his blood. That's what septicemia is; blood poisoning. It's a very serious illness that can be fatal, but we're doing everything we can to get rid of the infection quickly. He went into septic shock when he arrived here about an hour ago but I think we caught it early enough. You can visit both of them now, but I want to warn you before you see Kendall he looks extremely ill and is attached to many machines. We're draining the infection as we speak, and we have him on dialysis and oxygen as well as a saline drip. We're also giving him blood pressure medication, pain medication, and heavy-duty antibiotics intravenously. He may also be very confused when he wakes up and he'll have malaise and probably be in a bit of pain. Make sure to press the call button as soon as he wakes up, ok?"

James and Carlos were frozen, trying to take in everything they were told, but their brains were in shock. Kendall was sick. Kendall could die. And he hid it from them.

"Doctor, will Kendall be alright though?" Carlos asked. "I mean, he's not going to die, is he?"

Doctor Johnson offered the scared boy a small smile. "We're doing everything we can. Although at this point his chance of death is low, he may have permanent kidney damage, which means he may need to have his kidney removed or be on dialysis for the rest of his life. We'll just have to see if any other organs were damaged and how well his body is responding to the treatment, but we believe we caught the infection in time and stopped it from spreading. All we can do is pray and wait. Logan's room is 222 and Kendall is in room 318. Logan's new doctor is DR. Miller because he's not in I.C.U. any longer."

"Thanks doctor," Carlos whispered, than turned to a tearful James. "We have to split up."

"I know," James said quietly. He wiped at his eyes but tears just kept coming. James was always a very sensitive boy who wore his emotions on his sleeve so he wasn't embarrassed that he was crying in public. The waiting room was nearly empty, anyway.

"I'll take Logan, you take Kendall?" Carlos asked, tears welling up in his own eyes. He wanted to be there for both of his sick friends, as well as James. Carlos and James were a pair. Whenever there were rough times happening, they were always at each other's sides.

"Text me when Logan wakes up," James said. He pulled Carlos into a hug and left to find Kendall's room, and Carlos sought out Logan's room, feeling utterly alone and scared.

**A/N I know that chapter was boring as heck but you know, the doctor had to explain everything and stuff. So yeah. More fluffy action to come! Please review! I may be posting a new story this weekend too, but I'm not sure. It will either be a really sad angsty piece I've been working on, or another sick fic because I'm like a queen of sick fics and I have a ton of them. Like seriously I have a couple for every boy lol, it's insane. Some are adorable and fluffy and some are intense. Let me know what you think? I do have a Cargan sickfic up my sleeve (bromance not slash) Suggestions and requests are always welcome! Talk to you all soon I love all of my readers! **


	10. Carlos and Logan

**A/N Thanks for the reviews you all rock! I still own nothing **

Carlos only had to wait 45 minutes before a nurse came in to wake Logan up so she could check on his concussion.

"Logie! Are you ok?" Carlos asked when the nurse left. He had his chair scooted as close as possible to the bed and grabbed Logan's hand.

"C-Carlos?" Logan said in a cracked voice when he met eye contact with his best friend. He was so relieved to see Carlos. "Was I in an accident?" He asked, not quite sure what had happened. He only remembered flashes of the horrible ordeal.

"Yeah, you were buddy. You saved Kendall. I was so scared, Logie."

Logan squeezed Carlos' fingers. "I'm ok, Carlitos. But Kendall… Oh my God, is he alright? Tell me, Carlos." Logan started to panic when tears poured from Carlos' already puffy eyes.

"He's not awake," Carlos said, struggling to keep his voice even but the thought of Kendall in such terrible condition was too painful. "He's really sick. He has septi-sep- I don't remember Logan." Carlos cried harder.

"Septicemia. I- I know," Logan said. "Did the doctor say anything?"

"Just that he doesn't know yet if there's permanent damage to his organs. He said they might remove his kidney and he's been on dialysis and I don't even know what that is but it sounds bad."

"Ssh, Carlos, you're babbling. The doctors will take care of Kendall. It'll be fine," Logan said, trying to comfort not only Carlos but himself as well.

"I'm so glad you didn't die!" Carlos suddenly wailed, leaning forward to engulf Logan in a hug and slobbering all over his chest. "I don't know what I would've done without you!"

Logan chuckled at his sweet friend, a little taken aback by the dramatic outburst, although it was to be expected. Carlos over dramatized everything all the time. "It's just a concussion, Carlitos. I'm ok."

Carlos looked up at Logan and lightly touched the gauze taped to his forehead. "Still, you're hurt. I don't like that. And the doctor told me you ran a whole mile in that crazy storm to save Kendall and ended up with hypothermia. You're so brave, Logie." Carlos buried his face back into Logan's chest, and Logan ran a hand through the young Latino's hair.

"Hey Carlos, where's James- uck-uck!" Logan's words were cut off by a sudden coughing fit. Carlos sat up and stared at the brunette in worry.

"Logan, you ok?" he asked cautiously.

"Yeah, I don't know where that came from," Logan said. He wasn't feeling that great though. Carlos leaned down once more and rested his ear on Logan's chest for a few seconds, than straightened up.

"You sound congested." Carlos touched Logan's forehead. "And you're warm. Are you feeling sick, Logie?"

The boy in question shrugged sheepishly. "I guess a little. It's no big deal."

"Well do you want me to call a doctor?"

"No, no. It's fine. I can live with it. It's nothing compared to what Kendall must be feeling."

"What's that mean?" Carlos asked gently. Logan had his "I'm guilty" look in his dark chocolate eyes. It was a look Carlos knew all too well.

"I'm the reason why Kendall is in so much pain. I think I can live with a little cold."

Carlos' eyes widened at what Logan was saying. "But just because Kendall is suffering doesn't mean you should suffer. That's crazy, Logan. I don't want you to be sick. You were in a car accident. You pushed through a scary storm with a concussion. You could have died, too. I think you've been through enough."

Logan shook his head and pinched his eyes shut, waiting for a wave of pain to pass. Concussions sucked. But he felt like he deserved this concussion. "Yeah but I deserve it, Carlos. If it wasn't for me, Kendall wouldn't be fighting for his life right now."

"What are you talking about? Please tell me your joking, or it's oyur head injury talking. Or the fever. It must be the fever."

"No Carlos, I mean it."

"B-but you saved his life, Logan! Please don't cry," Carlos said when tears started pouring from his small friend's eyes. "Why would you say that?"

"Because I failed at my job! I'm supposed to keep you guys safe and I couldn't even realize that Kendall was seriously ill. And when I finally did, I got him into a car accident! And I want to be a doctor? I could've killed Kendall!"

"No, don't say that," Carlos said in a soft voice, grabbing Logan's trembling hands in his. "It's not your fault Kendall is stubborn, it's not your fault there was a bad storm and you got caught in it. It was an accident." Carlos sighed when Logan cried harder, clearly still upset at himself. "Logan, you're one person," Carlos continued. "One amazing, strong person and the 3 of us are crazy, injury-prone nutjobs and you can't expect to be able to protect us all the time. I don't blame you for any of this, and neither does Kendall."

Logan sniffled, touched and surprised by Carlos' kind and smart words. "Thanks, Carlitos. I needed that." He wrapped his younger friend into a hug. Carlos patted Logan's back.

"It's the truth, Logie. Now get to sleep, you're sick. I'll wake you when I find out anything about Kendall."

Logan nodded and laid back against his pillow. "Stay with me?" he asked, cheeks flushing when he realized he sounded like a little boy. But Carlos, being one to act innocent and young on a regular basis, did not judge Logan.

"Of course. I'm not gonna leave you." Carlos said soothingly, and he rubbed Logan's shoulder until he fell asleep.

**A/N Reviews make my heart sing. Also, chapter 3, the final chapter of breathless will be up later today! **


	11. mothers make better

**A/N Gah I'm so sorry this chapter is so late. Things have been insane around here and I had no time to write at all until yesterday plus all our power lines are down so we keep losing electricity and it's very annoying. It is like a war zone around Tulsa, some freakish storm passed through and all the power lines where I live are snapped in 2. And there are trees and random flipped over cars everywhere! So please forgive me, and thanks for your reviews. Here's what's going on in Kendall and James' room! James isn't handling it too good. Ps I don't own a thing.**

James was a restless mess. Between not being able to get a hold of Mrs. Knight, Carlos texting him that Logan was sick and had a mini breakdown, and Kendall looking nearly dead and not waking up, James was starting to wonder if the anxiety could give him a heart attack.

It was now 5:30 am and James could not stop staring at Kendall. He was afraid if he took his eyes off him for even a second, he would just.. Die. When James had first seen his leader, his brother, in this lifeless state, he literally stopped breathing. He couldn't get enough air in and he felt light headed. It was as if his brain was trying to shut itself down because it simply could not handle Kendall seeing Kendall so sickeningly grey, hooked up to countless I.V's and machines was more than he could take. For the 3 hours he had been sitting in the hospital room, he never stopped sobbing, never stopped holding Kendall's hand.

"Honey, maybe you should go home." Kendall's nurse came in the room to check on her patient. She was starting to worry for his young friend. He looked exhausted. But James only shook his head.

"I can't. What if he.." James trailed off, unable to say the words even though he had been thinking it all night. James had a horrible habit of thinking the worst of things, and while he was alone for those hours with nothing but his thoughts, he got to thinking, what if Kendall really did die? It was a possibility, it could happen. The doctor never ruled it out. And it was a dark thought, but if Kendall did die, James wanted to be right there with him to hold him through it.

"Well I brought you some water," The nurse said, handing the teenager a bottle of water. He thanked her, and she proceeded to take Kendall's temperature.

"How's his fever?" James asked in a gravelly voice.

"105 degrees even," the nurse said. Kendall had made progress, however small it may be. When he arrived at the hospital, his temperature was 106. But James knew just as well as the nurse did that a 105 degrees fever was dangerous, and would cause damage if it stuck around for an extended period of time. But the nurse continued to convince James that he'd fight it off soon enough because he was a "strong young man."

As soon as the nurse left, James' phone rang and Mrs. Knight's hysteric voice could be heard on the other line when he answered.

"James, baby, are you all right? What is going on? I wake up this morning and I have a bunch of messages saying you're at the hospital and something about a car accident?"

"Mama Knight, it's Kendall and Logan," James said, relieved to hear her voice. Right now he desperately needed the reassurance and comfort of a trusted adult to tell him everything's ok. "Logan was driving Kendall to the hospital 'cause he has a kidney infection and they got into an accident and now Kendall has septicemia and Logan's sick and has a concussion and we need you, mama!"

Mrs. Knight felt her blood run cold with dread as she tried to process the fact her babies were in the hospital, but she stayed strong for James' sake. "It's ok, baby. I'm going to get the next flight to L.A. Can you put me on the line with Kendall's doctor?"

James sniveled and pressed the call-doctor button next to Kendall's bed. "O-okay."

"Thanks sweetie. I love you. I'll be there as soon as possible."

"I love you too, Mama Knight," James said. The doctor came in, looking worried. "Kendall's mom wants to talk to you," James said, handing Doctor Johnson the phone, and the doctor left so he could explain in detail what was wrong with Kendall and Logan.

A few more hours of agonizing waiting went by, and Carlos joined James with a pouting Logan in a wheelchair.

"Hey guys, what are you doing up here?" James asked when he saw his friends, his dull and tired eyes lighting up a little.

"Hey James," Carlos said, giving his friend a bear hug. "We begged the doctor to let us come up here and stay with you, and he said yes as long as Logan uses the wheelchair. That's why he's pouting."

"I'm not pouting!" Logan argued, and James winced at how harsh his throat sounded. He looked sick. Purple bruises under his eyes, ghostly white skin, and the fact that he was in blue hospital scrubs didn't help.

"Carlos told me you were sick," James said softly. 'How do you feel?"

Logan shrugged. "It's just a cold, no biggie."

"What about your head?" James asked, taking notice at how blood red a small but painful looking gash looked on Logan's pale skin.

"Kinda hurts, but it's not so bad," Logan said. 'I'm just a little shaken up. I've never been in a car accident. It was scary."

"I bet. I'm just glad you're alright," James said, knowing it could have been much worse. He wouldn't be able to take the pain of 2 of his best friends lying lifeless in a hospital bed. Logan and Carlos seemed to read his mind.

"How is he?" Logan asked softly. He knew the answer already. He was just hoping that James would say Kendall was fine, that he was just taking a nap right now and when he woke up, they could all go home.

"The doctors aren't really telling me much," James said. "They're waiting 'til Mama Knight gets here. But I don't think he's making much progress. They just come in here and poke him and prod him with these sullen looks on their faces, and they won't make eye contact with me. But when I press for information, they give me this sad smile and tell me everything's fine but I know they're lying. One doctor tried to force me to leave but I sorta threatened to punch him out."

Carlos gave James a smile. "Yeah, that sounds like you, James."

James shrugged. He didn't like intimidating people, he was really a very gentle person, but he could be straight-up scary when he needed to be.

"I just can't leave him, you know?" James whispered, and Logan put a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah buddy, we know."

Carlos went over to Kendall and stroked back his blonde hair. "He looks like he's sleeping, guys," The Latino said sadly. "He looks so peaceful. I can't believe that as we speak, his body is waging war on itself." It was true. Although Kendall was extremely pale, he just lay there still and quiet as could be. Not an eyelash fluttered, not a finger twitched. He looked sort of like an angel, with his blonde hair splayed out around his face like a halo. He most certainly didn't look like someone who was dying.

"I wonder if he can hear us," James said. 'I don't think he can, but I've been singing and talking to him all night, just in case. I don't want him to think he's alone."

"Even if he can't hear or see us, I think he knows we're here," Carlos said. "He knows we're with him. Right, Kendall? You know we're right here with you. I just wish you'd wake up, buddy."

"He'll wake up when he's ready," Logan said. They sat at Logan's bedside for a couple more hours, sometimes talking and sometimes just sitting and waiting silently.

"Boys!" A familiar voice said, and the 3 of them looked up to see Mrs. Knight rush in with Katie right behind her.

"Mama Knight!" Carlos exclaimed, hugging her tightly. James joined in on the hug and Mrs. Knight stroked their backs lovingly.

"Are you boys ok?" She asked, worried. She released James and Carlos and went to Logan, who sat in his wheelchair hugging Katie, and gave him a gentle hug. He looked so sick and fragile.

"We're ok Mama Knight, just glad you're here," James said.

"I'm so sorry you babies had to go through this alone," Mrs. Knight said, turning to hug James again. He looked absolutely exhausted. "Thank you so much for staying with Kendall honey."

James nodded, and Mrs. Knight turned to face her son. She sobbed as soon as she saw her broken child lying in the hospital bed, and James squeezed her shoulders reassuringly. She had tried so hard to prepare herself for seeing Kendall like this so she could be strong for the other boys. The doctor had explained to her in great detail what was wrong with Kendall and what to expect, but nothing can prepare a mother to see her own child so close to death.

"We'll give you a minute with him," Logan told Mama Knight, a little shell shocked. He had never seen her cry before.

"Thank you, baby," Mrs. Knight said, and Logan nodded. He set Katie on his lap and wheeled over to the door.

"Come on guys, let's go. We'll be in the waiting room, Mama Knight," Logan said. He had to tug on James' arm and practically pull him out the door, and Carlos followed behind them to the waiting room like a lost puppy.

"What's wrong wit my brother?" A tiny voice on Logan's lap asked. Logan looked down to see Katie staring at him with big wet eyes. Katie was very smart for her age but at the same time she was only 11. All her mom would tell her was that Kendall had some strange disease that started with an "s" and that he and Logan were both in a car wreck.

Logan sighed. "Katie, your brother's very sick. He's been sick with a kidney infection all week, but he never told us what was wrong until it was too late. He has something called blood poisoning. That's a very serious illness that can cause something called Multiple Organ Damage, so they're trying to make it better with antibiotics before the blood poisoning effects other organs, like his liver or heart or lungs. The doctor won't tell us much, but I'm quite sure he already has some kidney damage."

'Is he ok? When is he going to get better?" Katie asked. Logan shook his head sadly.

"We don't know, Katie. Again, the doctors won't tell me anything but he has a pretty high fever. I think they may be having trouble getting his body to respond to the antibiotics, but they'll keep trying until it does respond. Other than that, I just don't know Katie. I'm not a doctor yet."

Katie nodded, trying her best to understand. She was scared to death for Kendall, but she still had 3 brothers to take care of.

"And are you ok, Logan?" Katie asked.

"Yeah, I'm ok Katie. I should be better in no time."

"What about James? Is he sick too?" Katie asked, motioning to the tall brunette who stared sullenly at the white hospital floor. He looked as ill as Logan did.

"He will be sick if he doesn't get some rest," Logan said. "James, buddy, you really should get some sleep."

James shook his head. "Not until I'm sure Kendall's ok."

"That could be hours, James," Logan said. "We'll wake you if anything happens."

James shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm fine guys. I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee."

"I'll come too," Carlos said, getting to his feet. James didn't really look like he should be by himself at the moment.

"So are you sure you're ok?" Carlos asked on the way back to the waiting area. He had gotten a bottle of chocolate milk while James got a steaming cup of black coffee.

"Carlos, I'm fine. Please stop asking me that," James said, taking a sip of his hot coffee. His feelings were the last thing he wanted to worry about right now.

"Sorry," Carlos said, putting his hands up in mock surrender, but he didn't stop pushing. "It's just you seem to be taking this so hard and-"

"Carlos, knock it off," James said, turning around to shove Carlos, something that James did often, but this time he forgot he held a hot cup of coffee in his hands and spilled it al over Carlos' arm as the smaller boy feel to the ground from the force of the shove.

"Ow," Carlos whimpered. He cradled his arm and looked up at his big brother like a kicked puppy.

"Oh, Carlos, dude I'm sorry- I swear I didn't mean to! That was so stupid. Are you ok?" James asked, kneeling next to the small Latino.

Carlos continued to whimper. "It burns, James."

"Guys! What the hell happened here?" The 2 boys looked up to see Logan rushing towards them without his wheelchair. Apparently, he had seen the whole things happen in the hallway from where he was seated in the waiting room.

"It's nothing," Carlos said quickly.

"I spilled my coffee on him and where's your wheelchair?" James asked. Logan was swaying on his feet and holding his hand to his temple as if he was dizzy. "You can't be running when you have a concussion."

Logan waved James off. 'I want to know what happened. Were you 2 fighting?" Logan kneeled down to examine Carlos' arm.

"Sort of," Carlos said, and Logan shot daggers with his eyes at James. This was not the time or place for their rough housing.

"Guys, we can't be fighting right now. Kendall wouldn't want that, ok? I know we're all over tired and freaked and worried but we need to take a chill pill. Come on Carlos. I'll take you to the nurses station. James, you stay with Katie in the waiting room."

James nodded. "Sorry I snapped, Carlitos. I hope your arm is ok." He left, and Logan helped Carlos to his feet and led him to the nurse's station.

"My friend got burned by some coffee," Logan explained to a nurse in her mid-40's. "Do you have any burn cream to soothe the pain? It's nothing to serious."

"Sure, sweetie." The nurse led them to a little examining room and looked at Carlos' burns. "Ok, just keep this ice pack on there for 5 minutes. Your friend seems like he's a pretty good doctor, so just have him put some of this on your burns when you're done icing your arm. The nurse handed Carlos a little pack of burn cream.

"Thanks nurse. Come on, Carlitos." Logan tugged on Carlos' shirt, but the younger boy was staring intently on something. "Carlos? You ok?"

"Yeah, but… Do you think I can have one of those Band-Aids?" Carlos asked quickly, pointing at the box of SpongeBob stickers he was staring at. Logan chuckled, thinking to himself how grateful he was to have Carlos with him during such a scary time. He was pretty sure that if he didn't have Carlos with him during this whole ordeal, he would be halfway to insane.

"Of course you can," The nurse said with a smile. She handed the Band-Aide to Carlos and sent them on their way.

"You ok dude?" James asked when Carlos came and sat next to him, and Logan sat next to Carlos. James held a sleeping Katie in his lap.

"Yeah, I'm good. I have a SpongeBob Band-Aide, see?" Carlos held up his new bandage and grinned. "Hey Logie, will you put my Band-Aide on? Logan?" Carlos nudged Logan gently when instead of answering he held his hand to his forehead.

"Logan, what's wrong?" Carlos asked seriously, SpongeBob bandage forgotten about.

"Just my head," Logan said with a cough. "No biggie. Come here, I'll put that cream on your arm." Logan removed Carlos' icepack, than rubbed the cream on his arm. "Does that feel better Carlitos?"

"Yep. Can you put on my Band-Aide?" Carlos handed Logan the little package, Logan smiled and put the bright yellow bandage on Carlos' arm, right above the burns so it wouldn't irritate them.

"I think we should go back to Logan's room," James said suddenly. He had been studying Logan's face and he did not look well at all and technically, he shouldn't have even bee n out of bed anyway.

"What? Why? We need to stay here, in case Kendall wakes up," Logan said. Sure, he didn't feel good. Sure, his ribs and his head ached. But not being in the same room with Kendall was bad enough, let alone being on an entirely different floor.

"James is right," Carlos said. "You look pretty pale. You need to take care of yourself."

"If James doesn't want to take care of himself, than I'm not going to take care of myself," Logan said, deciding to turn the tables. "It's obviously not a big deal, right?"

"Dude, low blow," James said. 'I'm not the one who was in a freaking car accident. Nor do I have a concussion, or the flu, or hypothermia."

Logan blinked, surprised at the correct grammar spewing out of James' mouth. "Did you just say 'nor'?"

James shrugged. "I like to sound smart sometimes."

Suddenly, the boys heard a cry of pain and several doctors and nurses flood into Kendall's room.

"Oh my God Kendall," James cried, jumping to his feet and swinging Katie onto his hip so that he held her like she was 3 years old.

"What's going on?" The sleepy girl mumbled.

"Kendall's hurt," Logan said. Once again he abandoned his wheelchair and ran down the hallway, James and Carlos right behind him.

**A/N I thought I'd put in some cute Carlos before drama happens. Please review? That would be amazing. Also, I have no clue how to write Katie so sorry if she has a tiny part in this, I'll try to make her scenes cute to make up for it. Next chapter will be up very soon, I will be updating sporadically through out this week and next because things are sorta wacky now. Love you all!**


	12. awake and alive

**A/N Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews! You are all so lovely. **

Mrs. Knight had been sobbing at her sons bedside, holding his hand tightly when she thought she felt Kendall's fingers twitch in her.

"Kendall, baby are you awake? Come on honey let us know you're in there. Squeeze my hand again baby."

Again, Kendall's fingers twitched in a feeble attempt to hold his mother's hand, and Mrs. Knight stroked his cheek as she tried to soothe him out of his unconscious state.

"Come on baby, it's mom. Wake up sweetie, mom's right here," Mrs. Knight said, her voice shaking. Kendall groaned and his eyelids fluttered rapidly as he tried to get used to the bright whiteness and light of the hospital room. Mrs. Knight gasped.

"Kendall! Hi, baby. You're ok, you're ok," She said through sobs. Kendall had no idea what happened, where he was, or why he felt so absolutely awful, but it must have been bad. His mother never cried and here she was, sobbing in front of him, and Kendall didn't like that.

"M-mom. D-don't be scared," He slurred in a raspy and broken whisper. Why couldn't he get his voice to work? Why was he so weak he couldn't even turn his head or hold his mom's hand?

"Oh, baby.. I'm not scared anymore. I'm glad you're awake," she said, pressing the call button for the doctors to tend to Kendall.

"Mama, why do I hurt?" Kendall choked out. He had never been so freaked out in his entire life. He could see he was hooked up to big machines and God everything hurt.

Mrs. Knight stifled another sob because those few words rocked her entire world. No mother wants to hear her child in pain, and what made it worse was that she could do nothing about it. Kendall looked and sounded so scared and it broke her heart. She had forgotten that although Kendall acted so strong and protective, he was still just a child. Just a little boy, and that's exactly what he looked and sounded like right now.

"Honey, you were in a car accident and you're very sick but the doctors will take care of you."

"Sick?" Kendall asked. He definitely felt sick, he was just didn't know why. Just than, a doctor came into the room, saw Kendall was awake, than immediately called for residents and nurses to help.

"Am I dying?" Kendall asked, and the look on his mothers face terrified him because she always looked so strong and confident but right now she looked scared and uncertain and stumbled over her next words.

"No-no baby you'll be fine ok?"

A doctor hovered over Kendall and shone a light in his eyes and touched his forehead for fever and pressed gently on his sides, stomach and back, which not only made Kendall feel uncomfortable that some man was groping him but also made him scream in pain at the pressure on his hurting middle.

"Doctor," Mrs. Knight said in her mother bear tone, grabbing Kendall's hand.

Suddenly, there were too many people in the small room for Kendall's liking. A few doctors had run in and started groping him and asking him questions and all he wanted to do was to just disappear.

"It's ok sweetie. I'm here."

Just than more people filed into the room and Kendall moved his stiff neck slightly to see James, Carlos and Logan huddled in the corner, looking panicked. He saw James held his baby sister and Kendall was relieved to see she was healthy and safe.

"G-guys," Kendall whispered. He wanted all the doctors to stop poking and prodding him and asking questions. He needed his friends now.

"It's ok, son, we're done," The doctor said soothingly.

"Poor thing," A nurse cooed, and Kendall realized he was crying. All the doctors cleared away except for Dr. Johnson, so he could talk to Mrs. Knight quietly about how he was stable and what drugs he was administered and a bunch of crap he couldn't understand. His friends were at his side in an instant, and the first thing he did was take Katie into his arms.

"Baby sister," he whispered, nuzzling his face into her hair. He was still terrified but he was relieved to see Katie and his friends were ok. When he was told he was in an accident, he was fearing that he wasn't the only one in such bad condition.

"Hey big brother," the little girl said, holding onto her brother tightly. There was no one in the world she loved more than Kendall and she was nearly in tears she was so happy to be held by him right now.

"Oh Kendall," Carlos said, wiping a tear off Kendall's cheek.

"Carlos," Kendall said. He was so glad to see his little buddy. He brought the Latino into his arms and held him along with Katie.

"I was so scared," Carlos said, his words muffled because his face was buried into his leaders chest. Kendall released the 2 he held, and James hugged him next.

"Hey buddy," James said. He held Kendall gently but firmly, as if he was afraid he would break but at the same time as if he would fall back into unconsciousness as soon as he let go.

"I'm ok," Kendall said, realizing his friends were literally sick with worry. Even in such a critical state, Kendall always looked out for his buddies' wellbeing, and he could tell James was so exhausted he could barely stand up straight.

"What happened?, guys?" Kendall asked. James released him from his hug.

"You and Logan were in a car crash," James said softly.

"L-Logan?" Kendall whimpered. He looked to wear his small friend stood behind James. He looked horrible. His movements were slow, as if he was hurting. His face was pale. And when Kendall wrapped his little brother into a hug, he could feel the heat radiating off the small body. Logan was sick.

"You're hurt," Kendall stated. His voice was still weak and raspy, but at least he could move his lips and form an entire word without his voice breaking.

"Buddy, I'm alright. I'll be fine," Logan assured his. He did not need Kendall stressing out while he was so ill.

"He saved you," Carlos said. "You were really sick, with a kidney infection. You went unconscious. Logan went to find help in the freezing rain while he had a concussion."

"Is that true?" Kendall asked, holding Logan to his chest tighter. Leave it to Logan to risk his life.

"I was so scared and you were so sick. You were dying, Kendall. You needed help."

"Logie… I'll yell at you when I have more strength," Kendall joked. He released Logan from the hug, than eyed James and Carlos. Carlos wore dark blue fleece pajamas with yellow ducks on them and James wore red flannel plaid pajamas. "Why are you guys in your jammies?"

Carlos shrugged sheepishly. "We got the call in the middle of the night about the crash, and came straight over here. Been here ever since."

"And now I think Kendall has had enough excitement," Dr. Johnson cut in. "You boys go get some food and rest while I talk to Kendall about his illness, and than he'll need some sleep."

"But he just woke up," Carlos said. He suddenly had an irrational thought of Kendall never waking up again.

"That was different, he was unconscious," Dr. Johnson said.

"Like a coma?" Carlos asked.

"Not quite. Kendall needs to sleep a lot so his body can repair itself, and you boys need to eat and rest properly so you can be healthy for Kendall."

"Ok doctor," Carlos said. He was hungry, as he hadn't eaten all day.

The doctor turned to Mrs. Knight. "Technically, that little one needs to be in his bed resting until we release him," he said, pointing to Logan.

"Will do" Mrs. Knight said. 'Kendall, baby I'll see you in a little bit." She hugged her son and ushered her other children into the waiting room.

"Logan, wheelchair, now," Mrs. Knight said firmly. As a mother, she knew she would have to keep herself busy or else she'd worry to death. Logan obliged, and she wheeled him to his room, tucked him in bed, and called the nurse.

"Logan the nurse is going to come check on you, get you some food, and than you're going to sleep. The rest of you are getting cleaned up, fully dressed, fed, and than naps."

"We can't leave Logan," Carlos said.

"Logan has a fever and needs sleep. You and James need to get dressed. We're going home."

"No Mama Knight, please, we'll be quiet," James said. "Please don't make us go home."

Mrs. Knight sighed. "Fine, we'll compromise. I'll bring clothes and food here as long as both of you promise to nap while Logan's sleeping or else I'm taking you both home."

"Yay! Sleepover!" Carlos cried, hugging his surrogate mother.

"Thanks Mama Knight," Logan said. He hadn't said anything but he honestly didn't want to be alone.

Mrs. Knight and Katie left, and James and Carlos squished themselves onto Logan's bed, which only annoyed a nurse who came in to make sure Logan was alright, but they wouldn't budge. She gave him some pain reliever and fever reducers and left the 3 friends alone.

"I'm so glad Kendall's awake," Carlos said, though he didn't sound like his usual upbeat self.

"It's like a 1000 million pound weight off my chest," James said. "Just seeing his eyes, awake and alert..." He trailed off.

Carlos turned on his side so he was facing Logan. "Logie?"

"Yeah buddy?" Logan asked. Carlos sounded like a scared child.

"Just because he woke up doesn't mean he's better, does it?"

Logan shook his head. He wished he could tell the innocent boy that their leader was fine, but he knew Kendall had a long road ahead of him. "Kendall's still very sick, Carlos. His insides aren't working well and it will be a little while until they're better."

Carlos suddenly sat up and grabbed James and Logan's hands.

"What are you doing?" James asked. He had no problems with holding his best friends hand in a private room, he just didn't know what Carlos was doing.

"Prayer circle," Carlos murmured. "Hold Logie's hand."

Logan and James looked at each other and shrugged. Of the 4 bandmates, Carlos was always the most religious. Kendall was indifferent about it, Logan based everything off science, and James was too self absorbed to pray everyday, though he did in some cases when his hair and fame didn't matter, like now. But Carlos was the one that held enough innocence and light in him to believe in God, and Logan didn't want to take that away form him.

"Good idea Carlitos," Logan said. He held James' hand and they bowed their heads and prayed.

**A/N Haha please don't hate me for wanting to trick you guys into thinking something was terribly wrong with Kendall! Don't worry he will be abused for many more chapters. I'm so excited about next chapter because it's funny in parts and intense in others. It's gonna be awesome! Ok so I have some ideas that I would love some feedback on. I have been getting requests for a Carlos sickfic so I have a multi chapter in the works! I also have been getting requests for James whumpage so I'm working on a dramatic James H/C angsty whump, and than I also have another medical mystery fic in the works like this one. It's not the same thing at all, it's just where one of the boys fall extremely ill and it's obviously not a cold. Let me know what you think? Please review if you can! Love you all!**


	13. burning

**A/N Wheeee I'm on a roll! Thanks for all the lovely reviews you guys. You are all so amazing! Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

"I wonder how Kendall's doing?" Carlos asked.

"It's only been an hour," Logan said. "Got any 3's?"

"Dang it!" Carlos said, giving his smart friend his 3 of diamonds. Logan smiled proudly and snatched it from him. "But really, what if he needs us?"

"What he needs is sleep," Logan said. "The doctor will let us know when he wakes up."

Carlos set down his cards with a sigh. He was tired of playing go-fish. "You know if I was in Kendall's place, I wouldn't want to be alone. He's probably scared. He needs us." Making up his mind, Carlos hopped to his feet, but Logan tugged on the sleeve of his jammies.

"Carlos, where are you going?"

"I have to check on Kendall. I'll be right back."

"Um, no!" Logan yelled, which resulted in a coughing fit. Carlos thumped on Logans back until the fit was over.

"Logan, I have to. I'll just be a minute! You guys should come with. Pwease?" Carlos folded his hands and batted his eyelashes. James groaned because how could anybody resist that? It was like denying a baby bunny a carrot, you just can't physically do it.

"I'm in!" James said. Carlos grinned happily for a moment, than returned to working those magical eyes on Logan.

"Quit giving me the eyes!" Logan whined. He could feel his resolve slipping away. But he could atleast try to argue with him first. "We can't just roam the halls in our pj's, plus Dr. Johnson said we had to leave Kendall alone, plus I'm supposed to be in bed until the hospital releases me. We will get in trouble."

"So? What are they going to do to us?" Carlos asked. "trap us to hospital beds? Force-feed us nasty hospital food? Kick us out?"

Logan raised his eyebrows. "Yes Carlos, they can kick us out! Well not me cause I'm sick. But if we get caught it's on your helmet!"

"Yay!" Carlos said, knowing he convinced Logan to come with. And he was used to getting the blame put on him simply because he could weasel himself out of any trouble with those huge brown eyes and pouty lips.

"Are you sure Logan?" James asked. 'You have a concussion remember?

Logan shrugged. He was a hockey layer, he had already had 5 concussions in his life. "You're talking to the same hockey kid who got check in the 9th grade by an 11th grader, got a concussion, than won the game with said concussion. Let's just hurry up so we can get back before the nurses and Mrs. Knight find us." Logan was still feeling sick, but the pain meds the nurse gave him made the pain in his head and ribs go away completely so he figured he may as well take advantage of it.

They walked down the hall to the elevator nonchalantly. Well, as nonchalantly as they could with Carlos whistling loudly and looking at every person that walked by skittishly.

"Carlos! Stop whistling," Logan said, nudging the younger boy in the ribs when they got in the elevator. "Just act normal."

They walked out of the elevator when they got to Kendall's floor and slowly walked down the hall, keeping their eyes open for any of Kendall's doctor and nurses.

"Dr. Johnson, 1 0' clock!" James said, pointing ahead of them Dr. Johnson was standing across the hall right in front of the double doors that led to the I.C.U, where they needed to go. He strted walking towards the boys direction with his nose in a clipboard.

"Hide!" Carlos said, shoving Logan and James into the nearest room and ducking underneath the window.

"What if he sees us?" Logan asked. "That's it, I'm hiding in here forever. I'm not leaving. I don't want to get caught."

"Will you calm down? We won't get caught," James said.

"It would help if we were wearing black," Carlos said.

"How would that help?" Logan asked. "The entire place is completely white with fluorescent lights. Wearing black would only make us more obvious."

"But it would help me feel more sneaky," Carlos stated.

"Um?" An unfamiliar voice said, and the boys turned around to see a patient lying in a hospital bed, staring at the 3 grown teenagers hiding out in their pajamas like they were nuts.

"Oh! Sorry!" Logan said, quite flustered.

"Don't mind us, we're just leaving when it's safe!" James said, poking his head out the door to see Dr. Johnson was nowhere in sight. "And it's safe! Let's go!"

"Bye!" Carlos said to the confused guy in the hospital bed.

James somersaulted out of the room as if it was sneaky. But it looked cool, so Carlos somersaulted after him and plastered himself to the wall next to James while Logan walked out like a sane person.

"You do realize I could hear you boys talking when I walked by," Dr. Johnson said from where he stood with his back turned to them, making the boys let out short but high-pitched screams.

"Dang it!" Carlos said. "The doctor's sneakier than us!"

Dr. Johnson smiled. "Your mother told me I could expect something like this. Kendall is sleeping, boys. I promise you'll be the first to know about any changes in his condition. Now go back to Logan's room. Logan, you need to stay in bed and rest for a couple days. James, Carlos, it's your responsibility to keep him in bed, ok?"

"Yes, doctor," James and Carlos murmured, and they went back to Logan's room.

"This stinks! There's no way to outsmart a doctor!" Carlos said, laying next to Logan in the uncomfortable hospital bed.

"I don't want to know what this conversation is about," Mrs. Knight said, her arms full of blankets and pillows and a bag of Tupperware containers filled with salad, chili, cornbread, onions, cheese, and cookies. She laid a comforter on the floor, than laid a blanket and 2 pillows on top of it. She than unpacked the food and passed out drinks, plates and forks.

"Thanks Mama Knight," James said, digging into his lunch. He loved how thoughtful his guardian was.

"I brought you boys some clothes, too," Mrs. Knight said. "And Logan I brought you pajamas. I thought you'd be more comfy that way."

"Thanks!" Logan said. "Hey where's Katie?"

"I dropped her off at Kelly's. A hospital is no place for a little girl. Now eat up and get some sleep. Text me if you need me." She kissed each boy's forehead and left to stay with Kendall.

"I don't think I can sleep," James said. He was finished eating and now snuggled into his makeshift bed beside Carlos.

"Me either," Carlos said, sticking his thumb into his mouth. James and Logan didn't say anything about the childish act. If it comforted Carlos, than so be it.

"I think I can," Logan said with a yawn. His stomach was full and he was feeling sick and weak. He knew he'd fall right to sleep if he wanted to or not. He trusted the doctors to care for Kendall while he was napping, so it was only a few minutes before he slipped into a deep sleep. Carlos turned onto his side to face James, listening to Logan's soft snores.

"How are you doing, James?"

James flipped onto his side and shrugged. "Tired, scared. You?"

Carlos pulled the blanket up to James' shoulder and patted his back. He hated seeing James so sad. "Me too. It's weird, you know? Kendall is like a super hero and seeing him so sick is just so terrifying. I hate it."

James raised an eyebrow. "Super hero?" He asked, curious. Carlos shrugged shyly.

"Well, yeah. I guess he's always been like a super hero to me. He knows how to solve everything. He's always so strong. He's almost like a father to Katie, he takes care of us, he takes care of his mom, he always fixes things. And he always comes to our rescue, never failing at any of it. That's why I always wanted to be a super hero when I grew up. I didn't want to be 'Asteroid Boy' or anything like that. I wanted to be like Kendall." Carlos blushed and shrugged sheepishly when James grinned.

"Carlos, I never knew that, buddy," James said softly. Carlos was so full of surprises sometimes. "It'll be ok, Carlos. Kendall will pull through this. He's a super hero, right? Plus the 4 of us can get through anything. We won't let Kendall die."

"I know that. But it's not up to us. Or Kendall, for that matter. It's up to God."

James looked into Carlos' innocent eyes, amazed. There was so much more to the little Latino than a helmet and a goofy grin. James was sure there was nobody on this planet quite like Carlos.

The 2 best friends sat in silence for a few minutes, reflecting on what Carlos had just said. James sighed. He needed hugs. He didn't care if he was a guy. Heck, when Jennifer broke up with him and Carlos was missing his cheesefry girl, they were practically glued to each other. They were the kind of people who needed physical comfort to get by. So James reached out with strong arms and pulled Carlos to his chest and held him there. Carlos buried his face into James' soft pajamas and finally they both fell asleep.

Burning. That's what Kendall felt when he woke up next. His entire body felt like it was on fire. It snapped him out of his peaceful slumber and into horrible reality.

"Mama," Kendall said before he even opened his eyes. Somehow he knew she was right beside him.

"I'm here, baby. What's wrong?"

"Mama, I'm hot," Kendall whimpered, squirming under his sheets. He was soaking wet for some reason. He felt like the heat was burning into his mind. He could barely form a coherent thought.

"God, you're burning up," Mrs. Knight said, feeling her sick son's forehead and neck. She called for the doctor and stroked Kendall's hair back. 'It's ok honey. You'll be ok, just relax."

"Is everything alright?" Dr. Johnson asked when he arrived. He was shocked to see his patient laying awake but listlessly, covered in sweat and so pale he was nearly transparent. He could see Kendall's vains under the white skin, but his cheeks were glowing a bright red. He knew instantly something was wrong.

"My goodness, what happened?"

"He's burning up," Mrs. Knight said, and Dr. Johnson took Kendall's temperature.

"One-oh-six point five. That's not good. His fever was one-oh-3 this morning."

"Well what's wrong?" Mrs. Knight asked. She thought her son was making strides towards getting better.. How could he be suffering such a setback all of a sudden?

"Mama, I don't feel good," Kendall whimpered, and his mother gently stroked his cheek to calm him.

"The infection must not be responding to the antibiotics. We will switch him to a different antibiotic, something stronger. But right now, we need to get this fever down." Dr. Johnson called for his nurses.

"It's ok baby, just hold on," Mrs. Knight said to her child. "Dr. Johnson, how are you going to lower his fever?"

"The only thing we can do is to give him an ice bath."

"Ice bath? Isn't that a little extreme?" Mrs. Knight said. "Isn't there medication you can give him."

"An ice bath is the only thing that will cool him down quick enough. And afterwards we will give him medication to keep it down. But we need to lower his fever fast, or else…" Dr. Johnson trailed off and 3 nurses rushed into the room and started hooking Kendall from his I.V's, E.K.G, and oxygen.

"What's happening?" Kednall asked, terrified.

"The doctors are going to take care of you honey, I promise you'll be alright," Mrs. Knight said, and her heart broke when Kendall started crying because a nurse took out his catheter without warning.

"I love you baby," Mrs. Knight said, and Kendall tried to hold her hand, but it was easily slipped away when the nurses started to wheel him away.

"Mama! No, mommy," Kendall cried when he saw his mother start to disappear from view. He could not think straight through the burning fog in his brain. He had no clue what was going on, just that a bunch of scary people were violating him and hurting him and they took him away from his mother. He could sense the panic radiating off everyone in the room in his delusional state and that made him panic, too.

"Mama!" Kendall cried one last time, and Mrs. Knight could only watch helplessly as her scared child was quickly wheeled away from her.

**A/N I love when Kendall calls his mom "Mama" in the show. I hope you all liked this! Next chappie coming soon, along with the story of Sir. Flannagan the fishy from my story "breathless" which will deal with Carlos and the loss of his beloved pet, requested by viswhisk 13. But who's ready for fall? I know I am! Bonfires, cool air, crunchy leaves, apple cider, hoodies, haunted hayrides, pumpkins… Ugh I can't wait! Please review! Love you all!**


	14. flat line

**A/N I am so sorry this is late! I haven't forgotten about this at all, I have just been crazy busy! Thanks for all the lovely reviews you all rock. Reviews keep me going! On with the story! Oh ps the text in italics is Carlos remembering the conversation between Mrs. Knight, the boys, and the doctor. Oh and even more ps, I'm trying really hard to research all this stuff but bottom line is I'm not even close to a doctor so if I'm wayyyyy off here, please don't hate me but feel free to correct me and help me get my facts straight. I feel like I have been on 15 websites and they all tell me something different lol. Ok, I shall shutty now.**

Carlos thrashed his legs and rolled onto his back for the umpteenth time that night. He was no longer tired. All he could think about was Kendall. After only being asleep for an hour, Mrs. Knight and Dr. Johnson had woken him up along with James and Logan to let them see Kendall and to break the news that their friend had suffered a setback. Carlos didn't understand most of what they were talking about. He was told Kendall's fever had gotten so high it could've killed him. The doctors had no choice but to give him an ice bath and he hadn't been awake since.

Carlos shuddered under his blankets and scooted closer to James when he remembered how much sicker Kendall had looked. He really had looked ill this time, not just like he was sleeping, and it scared Carlos. He had tried to pay attention to what Dr. Johnson was telling him, even Logan seemed to be the only one who really understood any of it.

"_We don't know too much at the moment," _Dr. Johnson had told the boys. "_But his fever is down to 104.6 and that's a very good thing. However, we don't know if it's caused any damage until he wakes up."_

"_Damage?" _James had asked, fear and confusion evident in his voice.

"_This is the 2__nd__ day in a row Kendall suffered from Hyperpyrexia, and the possibility of brain damage is high."_

Carlos had hear Logan gasp, but he had no idea what Hyperpyrexia was. He guessed it was something to do with Kendall's fever.

"_What if this happens again?"_ James asked. "_Why can't we keep his fever down?"_

"_Kendall's body is waging war on itself. He's fighting his infection with everything he has in him." _Dr. Johnson had explained._ His fever is his natural defense. We put him on extremely strong doses of Acetaminophen to keep his fever from shooting back up again, and we put him on Flucloxacillin, which is a strong antibiotic, as well as upped his dosage of Ciprofloxacin from 200 mg's to 400 mg's. We just performed more bloodwork to see if the infection has spread and the results will be in by the morning. We had the infection contained, but since there was a small time frame when his other antibiotics stopped working his chance of Multiple Organ Damage is greater, but not by much. We just want to be sure."_

Carlos blinked out of his flashback. He wished he understood more but it all sounded alien to him. He only knew one thing. All this was happening because of a stupid kidney infection and even though Carlos had only just calmed a guilty Logan last night, he couldn't help but be the guilty one now. Kendall had told Carlos that is back hurt yet he had kept it a secret from anyone who could help. What kind of friend was he?

Carlos sighed. He'd been lying on this blanket for hours. After they visited Kendall, Mrs. Knight took them to the cafeteria for dinner and then made them lay back down in Logan's room before picking up Katie and bringing her home. It was now 1 am and Carlos was too worried and guilty to sleep. He had a feeling in his gut that something was wrong. Kendall was all alone in that dark hospital room. What if he was awake and scared?

"James, wake up," Carlos said, shaking the tall brunette next to him.

"Huh?" James moaned.

"James, my tummy feels weird."

"It was probably the cafeteria food, you'll be fine," James grumbled.

"No, I mean I feel like something is wrong." Carlos waited for a reply but only received silence. Carlos nudged James, who snorted and smacked his lips, having fallen back asleep. Carlos pouted.

"Yeah, you're really 'pretty' when you're asleep," Carlos muttered. He didn't want to walk the big scary hospital halls by himself, but Logan was feeling good and he didn't want to bother him. Carlos sighed. He couldn't just lay here wondering if Kendall was ok. He needed to make sure Kendall was allright. He needed to apologize.

Even though he had already been caught that day, Carlos padded out of Logan's room in search of Kendall. He slowly walked through the empty, dimly lit halls. It was quiet compared to the hustle and bustle of that afternoon, and all the rooms surrounding him were dark.

"Brr," The young Latino said with a shiver, wrapping his duckie pajamas around him tighter. It was cold in the hallways, and the tile floor beneath his barefeet was freezing as he quietly snuck past a nurse's station. Considering the time of night, there was only one nurse at the station and a couple of doctors roaming the floor that Carlos easily ducked and hid from. Carlos stifled a tiny laugh because he was "ducking" from mean people who could send him home while wearing duck pajamas, but quickly focused on the task he had set out to do. Kendall needed him right now.

Carlos crept into Kendall's dark room and started shivering again, not because it was cold but because it felt so eerie in the little room. The Latino could just barely make out Kendall's pale form glowing in the greenish light of his EKG, and it was silent save for the steady beeping of the machines Kendall was attached to.

"Hey Kendall," Carlos whispered, not wanting to wake his friend but unsure if he was already awake. But as he crept closer, he could see Kendall's eyes were closed and his mouth slightly parted. Carlos sighed and sat on the floor next to Kendall's bed, bringing his knees to his chest.

"I'm sorry buddy," Carlos whispered. "You told me you were sick and I ignored it. You were asking me for help and I was so blind to it. It's all my fault you're going through this. I should've told Logan or your mom even though you told me not to. I'm sorry I'm a horrible friend and now you have to go through all this. I wish I could make you better." Carlos got to his knees and carded his hand through Kendall's sweaty hair. "I love you Kendall. Please get better." Carlos curled up on the floor, slightly comforted knowing his best friend wasn't alone, and fell asleep.

Missing. Something was missing next to James. It was there when he fell asleep but now it was gone, and he could sense the empty void in his sleep.

'Carlos?" James asked, sitting upright as he realized at once what was gone. He glanced at the digital clock that read 2 am Carlos was missing in the middle of the night? That was never a good thing. James got to his feet and searched in the most obvious place: the bathroom. When he couldn't find his hyper friend there, he checked the kid's area in the waiting room because maybe Carlos got bored and decided to play a little. James started to panic when an idea dawned on James and he rolled his eyes at himself as he dashed to the I.C.U.

"Carlitos…" James breathed a sigh of relief when he saw a tiny, dark lump on the floor next to Kendall's bed. James checked on Kendall before sitting next to Carlos and shaking him gently.

"Hmm?" Carlos groaned as he stretched out and opened his eyes. "James?"

James sighed. "What are you doing up here, Carlos? We aren't supposed to even be at the hospital let alone up here. If Dr. Johnson catches up here he won't let us stay the night again."

"Dr. Johnson won't be back until the morning," Carlos said, sitting upright.

"You didn't answer my question, why are you sleeping up here?" James leaned in close to get a better look at Carlos. "Were you crying?"

Carlos quickly wiped at the tear streaks left on his cheeks. He guessed he had been crying in his sleep. "Can I tell you something, and you have to promise not to hate me?"

"Carlos, what did you do?" James asked gently. Carlos had that guilty "I chewed on your shoes" puppy dog look in his chocolate eyes.

"This is my fault," Carlos admitted, staring at his feet and absentmindedly playing with his toes. He suddenly felt uncomfortable, afraid that James might yell at him. But Carlos should've known James could never raise his voice at his little buddy.

"What are you talking about, buddy? What's your fault?"

"Kendall wasn't keeping his pain hidden. He told me his back hurt but made me promise not to tell and I didn't want him to hate me so I kept my mouth shut. But if I had just told Logan, he wouldn't be going through this right now. What kind of person just lets their best friend suffer?"

"Oh," James said, a little surprised. But he did not blame Carlos. Kendall was a stubborn butt, and Carlos was naïve and simply didn't know what was happening to Kendall.

"Are you mad?" Carlos whispered. "I understand if you are."

"I'm not mad at you Carlos," James said sweetly. "I'm sorry you have to wear that weight on your shoulders but it's not your fault. How could you have possibly known? You're not a doctor."

"It doesn't take a doctor to see how much pain he was in, James. He was crying one night and I assumed he ate a rotten corndog. How stupid is that? I was killing my hero without even realizing it."

James eyes widened to huge hazel saucers when he heard that. "Hey, no Carlos don't say that. Bad things like this just happen and they're nobody's fault-" James looked up when he suddenly heard a weak cough and a wheeze from beside him. Kendall was staring down at his friends with a sad look in his eyes.

"It's not your fault, Carlos," Kendall rasped. "Listen to James. I don't blame you."

"Kendall," Carlos whispered, hugging the sick boy very gently. Kendall was too weak to hug back, but he managed a small smile. It was nice to have Carlos hold him. Kendall felt fingers brush his forehead, and he looked up to see James feeling for fever and stroking his hair back. Kendall leaned into the welcome touch and closed his eyes.

"How are you, Kendall?" The tall brunette asked.

"Been better," Kendall said. 'Where's mom?"

"At home, sleeping with Katie," Carlos said, glancing at James. He felt sort of like punching Dr. Johnson in the mouth because Kendall didn't seem to be having any mental problems from all the fever. Maybe something was finally starting to look up for them.

"Katie's fine, don't worry," James added.

"Logan?" Kendall asked. He had to go through the list and make sure his loved ones were ok because, well, he loved them.

"Sleeping. He should be feeling better. Are you ok, Kendall? You're breathing sounds kind of labored," James noticed. Kendall seemed to be dragging in each breath slow and heavy.

"S'hard to breath," Kendall said, coughing again, and Carlos called a doctor in. Within seconds, Kendall's EKG started beeping a little more rapidly as he started to panic from the lack of oxygen.

Kendall's substitute doctor, Dr. Miller, came running in along with a couple of nurses who heard Kendall's monitor go off.

"What happened? What are you boys doing here?" Dr. Miller asked, listening to Kendall's heart.

"His BP is dropping fast," a nurse said worriedly.

"He can't breathe," James told the doctor nervously.

"Get him on oxygen and get him a blood analysis," Dr. Miller told the nurse. "This is what we were afraid of…"

"What's happening?" James asked, wrapping an arm around Carlos because the little teenager looked lost and frightened.

"Jamie I'm scared," Kendall said in between gasps for air, and a nurse strapped on an oxygen mask around his mouth while another nurse drew blood from his arm.

'Boys, you need to leave now," Dr. Miller said firmly, trying to push James and Carlos out into the hall.

"No, let us stay," Carlos begged, but Dr. Miller was much bigger and stronger than the 2 teenagers and he easily pushed them out the door.

'What's going on?" Carlos cried, smashing his face against the window so he could watch the commotion around Kendall. The blonde was trying to rip off his mask and push away the nurses in his panicked state. Suddenly, Kendall stopped thrashing around and went completely still and mere seconds later, 4 doctors came running past Carlos and James, pushing a huge machine into Kendall's room.

"What is that?" Carlos asked.

"I'm not sure. Come on let's see what's happening," James said, grabbing Carlos wrist and dragging him into the corner of the hospital room, out of the way of the busy doctors who didn't even notice their presence.

James' heart dropped when he realized what was going on. Kendall was unusually still. The EKG was flatlined. That giant machine the doctors rolled in was a defibrillator. James' legs shook and his head spun dizzily as 3 words crossed his mind.

Kendall was dead.

**A/N Whatever you do, don't panic! I love you all. Review if you want to know what just happened. Haha jk I'm not that mean but reviews make me happier than a rainbow and fried corn.**


	15. James isn't strong enough

**A/N Wow, I suck for taking so long to update this haha. I'm sorry times 10! Things have been insane lately and I had no time to really put all my heart and soul into this, and I would rather just wait to write something rather than write a crappy chapter. I really hope this doesn't suck! Thanks for all the reviews! **

James was in a whirlwind of numbness and disbelief as he chanted over and over, "Not Kendall, not Kendall, not Kendall." His heart was wrenching painfully as past images of his friendship with the strong leader flashed through his mind.

5 year old Kendall pushing James on the swing set because James couldn't figure out how to work the swing himself until he was 7.

10 year old Kendall baking James a huge birthday cake after James' parents split to try and cheer him up. He had spent his entire birthday weekend at Kendall's house.

He remembered a 14 year old Kendall with shaggy blonde hair, helping James with his homework, encouraging him when he was ready to give up.

Lastly, he remembered 16 year old Kendall sacrificing everything to make James' dreams come true…

No. He couldn't lose Kendall. Not now, not after everything they've been through, not when Kendall was so young.

All this crossed through James' mind in seconds as the horrific scene played out in front of him, even though he could barely see anything through his tears and dizziness or hear through the cotton like feeling in his ears.

James was having a mental breakdown. He didn't see that they had only brought in the defibrillator as a precaution. He didn't see that they had Kendall breathing again within seconds after performing a tracheotomy, and that Kendall was ok. His mind processed none of this. All he saw was the huge, scary machine they used on dead people and he had lost it. His mind was stuck on one thought: "Kendall is dead." It was like his brain was a broken record and it couldn't play anything but that.

"Dude- James! Dude, snap out of it!" James faintly heard Carlos' voice yelling at him, and he realized he was limp in Carlos' arms, the smaller boy supporting all of his weight. He struggled to stand but couldn't find the strength in his wobbly knees.

"He's dead Carlos," James cried, starting to hyperventilate. A middle aged nurse noticed James' panic attack and ushered the 2 teenagers out of the room.

"James he's ok buddy," Carlos said.

"Take deep breaths sweetie," The nurse advised, knowing she needed to calm the hysterical boy before he fainted.

"B-But he flat lined!" James cried, gasping for air as he hyperventilated. He tried to push past the nurse to get back to Kendall, but she held him firmly in place.

"He didn't flat line, sweetie," The nurse explained. It was a common mistake she'd seen scared loved ones make many times before. "We only brought in the defibrillator as a precautionary, he's not dead. Your friend stopped breathing for less than a minute but we put in a tube and he's breathing again. He'll be ok." She turned to Carlos. "Get him calmed down, I need to go back in now." The nurse left, and James held onto Carlos like the little Latino was his lifeline.

Kendall wasn't dead. He had only imagined it. He scared himself, to the point of never being the same again. James almost didn't believe it, that Kendall was alive because he looked so dead, just lying there with several doctors working on him.

Suddenly it was too much for James to take. He wanted to run away from this nightmare. Running was something that was instinct for him when things got too heavy for his sensitive heart, but Kendall was always there to stop him and make him face his problems head on.

But since Kendall- James' savior, his rock, his _brother_- was laid out half-dead in a hospital bed, James gathered every ounce of strength he had left and took off in a run, through the hall, down the stairs, and out into the cold night.

Carlos stood in the empty hall, shocked and trying to figure out what had just happened. It had all gone so fast. Kendall had stopped breathing and it was the single most terrifying moment of his life, but he started breathing again. He was ok, he was alive. Carlos could see that, but James obviously didn't. Even though Carlos was scared out of his mind, he had to stay strong for James because quite frankly, he was starting to fear for the tall boy's sanity.

"What should I do?" Carlos whimpered, lost. He had never been left alone in a bad situation before. He always had Kendall right by his side whenever things got tough. Right now he was torn between staying with Kendall and following James. He wanted to stay with Kendall, but he knew Kendall wouldn't want James to be alone on the streets in the middle of the night. It was like Carlos could hear the leader's voice saying to him "Make sure James is alright."

Carlos ran down to Logan's room to change into a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, than grabbed a jacket for James.

'Carlos?" Logan asked with a yawn. Carlos froze in place. He wasn't ready to explain what had happened quite yet. He was afraid that if he didn't keep a straight mind he'd breakdown just like James did.

"Go back to sleep Logie," Carlos instructed, but Logan sensed the fear and urgency in the young boy's voice.

"What's going on Carlos?" Logan asked.

"James broke down. I need to go find him," Carlos said simply, a little bit surprised by how calm he was keeping himself. He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "Kendall isn't doing well. I need you to find out how he's doing and what happened. Call Mama Knight, we need her." Carlos hurried out of the room, leaving Logan confused and worried.

"James!" Carlos cried as soon as he stepped out into the night. He guessed he was expecting to hear James' voice answer him, and then he could give him a hug and everything would be ok. But life wasn't being that nice to him lately and James was long gone. Carlos started running along the grounds outside of the hospital, praying that James would be somewhere out there.

"James where are you?" Carlos cried after 15 minutes of searching and no luck finding his big brother. But to his surprise, he heard a tiny voice say,

"Over here Carlos."

Carlos turned around and ran to where James sat in the hospitals courtyard in front of a statue of an angel, her pretty stone face turned up to the heavens.

"Oh James," Carlos whispered, falling to his knees and holding the quivering boy in his arms. "It's gonna be ok bro, shh shh."

"I was so scared," James choked out. He was sobbing harder than he ever had before and he was a little embarrassed that he couldn't get a hold of himself.

"I know James, I know. Let it out," Carlos cooed, rocking the tall boy gently.

"That's Kendall in there, Carlos. Kendall. He's never sick, he's never hurt. What are we going to do without him?"

"Don't think like that, don't talk like he's dead James. He's sick but he'll get better. He's the strongest kid in the world. He can fight this."

James sniffled as he struggled to pull himself together. 'I'm s-sorry," he blubbered.

"What are you sorry for?" Carlos asked, slipping James' hoodie over the brunette because he was starting to look a bit chilly.

'I'm trying so hard to be strong for you guys but I can't. I'm not strong. I can't handle things well. I'm sorry for letting you down."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard James," Carlos said. "You are strong. But you don't have to be strong around me. That's what best friends are for. They're the only people in life that you can breakdown and sob in front of no matter how stupid it is and we won't judge you. Don't ever think you can't break in front of me. I'm here for you James." Just then, Carlos phone beeped and he looked at his incoming text.

"_Did you find James yet? Mama Knight is here. Doctor's explaining what's going on with Kendall. Get here asap. Logan."_

"Come on, let's get inside. Mama Knight is here. They know what's wrong with Kendall."

"Is he ok?" James asked as Carlos helped him to his feet. Carlos took a deep breath.

'Let's find out."

**A/N Gah sorry for the suckyness and shortness of this chapter. I hope I didn't let anybody down, but I really wanted to give James a melt down because for some reason he just seems like such a sensitive, sweet, unstable person. I feel like he wouldn't be able to handle bad stuff very well without having a breakdown first. You know how he always overreacts to like, everything lol. Please review and let me know what you think! Next chapter we find out why Kendall stopped breathing! It's not good!**


	16. Suffocation

**A/N Can I just give a huge thank you to everyone reading this? Thanks so much for sticking with this story, and a shout-out to my 200****th**** reviewer purple angel 4197. I can't believe I'm over 200 reviews, you all rock!**

Logan was groggy and dazed when Carlos had barged into his room, explaining that something had gone wrong with Kendall and James was breaking down. He couldn't quite wrap his sick mind around what happened. Instead of being hyper and babbling, Carlos was calm, a little _too_ calm. And then he just left, without telling Logan anything but an order to make sure Kendall was alright and to call Mrs. Knight.

Instead of freaking out, Logan followed Carlos' unusual instructions and called Mrs. Knight on the walk to Kendall's room. He didn't tell her any details because he knew none. He just told her to get here, _now._

Logan was stopped by a doctor he did not know before he could get to Kendall's room.

"Hold on young man, are you a family member of Kendall Knight?" The doctor asked before he could enter the room.

"Yes," Logan said a little coldly. "Can you please let me through?"

"I'm sorry, young man but Kendall needs to rest."

Logan tried to peer through the closed curtains of Kendall's room. He could see a couple nurses moving around but he couldn't see Kendall. "Can you at least tell me if he's ok or not?"

"You're going to have to wait in the waiting room until your mom gets here before I release any information, sorry."

Logan glared at the doctor. He already didn't like this guy, even though he didn't really do anything wrong. Logan just felt like he had to be mad at _somebody._ "Who are you, anyway? Where's Dr. Johnson?"

"I'm Dr. Michaels, I'm Kendall's substitute doctor when Dr. Johnson can't be here. But don't worry he will be back first thing in the morning. Now you can't be here young man, you need to go down to the waiting room. I'll be down shortly."

Logan scowled and turned on his heel so he could go down to the waiting room, where he waited anxiously for Mrs. Knight to arrive. His friends were nowhere in sight and he was becoming seriously concerned for James, and Carlos as well. Logan hated to underestimate his Latino friend but the kid frequently got lost on his way to the pool at their apartment. Who knows where he could end up in a strange building.

Logan sighed, putting his head in his hands as he remembered the Palmwoods Pool and all the fun memories that went with it. Why did he feel like it was so long ago that they were all together, laughing and playing chicken on each other's shoulders in the pool when it had only been a few days ago. Now he wondered if they would ever play in the pool all together ever again.

Luckily, a familiar and motherly voice called his name before those thoughts could go any further. Logan looked up to see a frantic looking Mrs. Knight rush towards him. She scooped the small boy into her arms and Logan clung on tightly. He was usually shy about displays of affection from motherly figures but right now he really needed her hugs.

"What happened baby?" Mrs. Knight asked, releasing her surrogate son and sitting him in a chair. She sat next to him and grabbed his pale hand tightly. The poor boy looked so scared and alone, not to mention he was clearly still unwell.

"I don't know, Carlos woke me up and told me James had a breakdown and to call you. Nobody will tell me what happened to Kendall and now I don't know where James and Carlos are at. I'm kinda freaking out, Mama K."

"It's ok, baby. I'm sure everything will be fine. Come here." Mrs. Knight wrapped a motherly arm around Logan and stroked his hair off his warm forehead. He relaxed into her side until Dr. Michaels came up to them. While he introduced himself to Mrs. Knight, Logan sent a text to James and Carlos and waited impatiently for them to come.

Logan had to restrain himself from jumping into James' arms when he saw his friends approach them, he had been so worried. But Dr. Michaels was waiting to explain what was going on so instead when Carlos and James stood next to him, he scooted close to them with a questioning look. James rested an arm on Logan's shoulder while Carlos slung an arm around the skinny boy's waist.

"We'll explain later," James whispered into Logan's ear.

"So what happened, doctor?" Carlos asked timidly. "Is it Kendall's heart?"

Dr. Michaels shook his head, gearing himself to explain Kendall's condition. "No, his heart is quite strong, actually. Unfortunately, because his body isn't fighting the infection as well as it should be, he does have Multiple Organ Failure now. It's something we had feared would happen and tried to prevent greatly. His heart and his brain are fine but it spread to his lungs, causing something called ARDS, which stands for Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome. Now ARDS is a rapid onset syndrome that affects not the air passage ways but the lungs themselves, resulting in severe oxygenation defect. He actually stopped breathing but we hooked him up to a high frequency ventilator and performed a tracheotomy, which is something we normally don't do unless it's an extreme emergency."

"Will ARDS get better?" Carlos asked, still not quite understanding what ARDS was but he was trying his best. The doctor suddenly looked solemn, like he didn't want to tell the family what he had to tell them next. Logan had gotten horribly pale and was now holding onto James tightly. He obviously already knew the effects of ARDS and was fighting to stay conscious.

"It could," Dr. Michaels said. "It has a high mortality rate, and with such a bad infection… He's going to need to fight hard to hang on. What we can do is put him on a low dose of Methylprednalone which is a corticosteroid to keep his airways open. It will take 3 to 5 days for a response to be apparent. If it is, he will be on mechanical ventilation for 8-11 days before he could breathe on his own."

"And if there is no apparent response?" Mrs. Knight asked in a gravelly voice. Her entire body was shaking and Carlos was hugging her gently, trying to calm the distraught mother.

"If it doesn't work, his lungs will fail and he will die," Dr. Michaels answered truthfully. "But for the next few days we will be doing everything we can and more to help Kendall in fighting his infection and getting healthy again. Just because ARDS is fatal does not mean imminent death, Mrs. Knight. There's still a chance. We'll be getting the rest of his results in a few hours to see how his infection is doing."

Mrs. Knight nodded, tears streaming down her face. She couldn't fight them any longer. She could feel Logan, James and Carlos' scared eyes upon her and she struggled to keep it together. "Can I see him now?"

"Yes, you may see him now but the children need to wait until tomorrow," Dr. Michaels said.

"Ok. Come on boys, I'll walk you to your room," Mrs. Knight said. She grabbed Logan and Carlos' hands, made sure James was following, and led them to their room where she tucked them in. She needed to know they were safe, sound and sleeping.

"I love you boys," she said softly, kissing each of their foreheads. "You take care of Logan and I'll see you in the morning first thing, ok?"

Carlos sniffled. "Mama Knight, what's going on? Did the doctor say Kendall was dying?" As usual, he didn't comprehend much of what the doctor said but he hated seeing Mrs. Knight this way. She was almost unrecognizable. Usually she was so strong and funny and cool but she was now falling apart at the seams. Mrs. Knight nodded and stroked his soft black hair.

"His lungs are having troubles baby, but he'll be ok. The doctors are working hard to fix him. Don't you worry. Just get some sleep, ok?" Mrs. Knight shut out the lights and left to see her son.

Logan rolled over in his bed and peered through the darkness at his friends on the floor. "Do you guys want to come up here with me?" He asked shyly.

"Is there room?" Carlos asked.

"I can make room," Logan said. He put up the railings on his bed so they couldn't fall out, and James crawled up beside Logan. Carlos took the end of the bed and rested his top half on their legs, using them as a pillow.

"You ok Logie?" Carlos asked, patting his knee.

Logan shrugged. Honestly, he wasn't very ok. He felt sick and he was still in the dark about James and Carlos' little episode. "What went on while I was sleeping?" He asked. "Why did you guys leave?"

James told the story of their night, starting at the very beginning when Carlos felt guilty, to what happened to Kendall, and finally James' breakdown. Logan just listened in shock. It hurt him to think that instead of being there with his friends who needed him, he was snug in his bed while all that drama went on, oblivious to it all.

The friends sat in silence for a few moments after James finished. Carlos fell asleep quickly so it was just James and Logan lying awake, staring at the blank ceiling in deep thought. They were both wondering why. Why was this happening to Kendall, why did it keep getting worse? The questions were endless and no one was able to answer the confused boys.

"What are we going to do, James?" Logan finally asked. "This isn't magically going to get better overnight, is it? What if his lungs-"

"Ssh," James said, putting a finger over Logan's mouth. "We can't think of this stuff, Logan. We just _can't._ It will ruin us. I'm not saying pretend everything's alright, we just need to stay positive."

"But he's dying, James. He can't even breath on his own, his kidneys can't function, and an infection is slowly destroying him from the inside. This is really bad."

James brought Logan in close and held him, sensing how distraught the younger boy was becoming. Logan's shoulders quaked but he did not cry. He just buried his face into James' chest and tried to take deep breaths. James rubbed circles onto his back gently.

"Nothings set in stone, Logan. Kendall's fate isn't encrypted in some rock. There's nothing that says he's going to die, ok? He can beat this. I know I shouldn't be the one to talk after my psychotic episode earlier but we need to be strong a little bit longer. Kendall just can't die. He's overcome so much, and he's too amazing and caring of a person. And we need him too much."

Logan sighed, relaxing into James' hold. There was something about James that always made him feel safe. Even though James wasn't the swiftest sometimes, Logan could always just trust him, and his strong presence always made the smaller boy feel protected.

"God can't take Kendall away from us, not yet" James added when Logan started drifting asleep. "I won't let him. I need him."

**A/N Thanks for reading! Please leave me a review so I know this story hasn't been forgotten about? I love them and they keep me going! I promise I will be better about updating! Merci xo!**


	17. losing hope

**A/N Y'all are amazing. 'Nuff said.**

4 days had passed by since Kendall's family received the news about his disease. Nothing had changed in Kendall's health. His fever raged on, his infection slowly ate him from the inside, and his lungs refused to function on his own. He was attached to this loud, massive machine pumping air into a huge tube down his throat. He hadn't even regained consciousness after he had stopped breathing several days earlier.

Kendall was just a body, lying in a hospital bed. Nobody knew where his soul was at the moment. They just knew he wasn't there, with them.

And in return, they were just bodies going through the motions of a life they worried Kendall would never live again.

Katie refused to come out of her room, refused to speak. She did not cry, either. She just silently grieved for her brother's health, fighting off the thoughts that if things didn't improve soon, she would soon be burying her big brother in the grave next to her fathers, and that was something her 11 year old brain could not even comprehend, no matter how mature she was for her age.

Mrs. Knight still tried to function every day. She forced herself out of bed every morning and pushed the crippling fear of her son's fate away from her mind to fulfill her duties she still had as a mother for 3 scared boys and her tiny daughter, who was falling apart at the seams and there was nothing she could do to help.

The boys spent every waking second of their visiting hours at Kendall's bedside, but Mrs. Knight had brought them home the morning after Kendall nearly died. They reluctantly left every evening to go home with their surrogate mother, knowing that Mrs. Knight needed their presence at home to keep her from going insane.

The only good thing that had come with the passing days was that Logan was no longer sick. He regained most of his color and life back and had barely any remnants of his concussion left. He was back to his bossy, anxious self, worrying about everyone else's health and well-being again and making sure they were getting enough nutrition and sleep during such a stressful time.

Every day was pretty much the same to them. They woke up from fitful sleeps, they ate food they couldn't even taste, and then they rode in silence to see Kendall in the hospital. But this day was a bit different. Today they would be receiving the results of Kendall's blood work to see how his oxygen count was doing, to see if the steroids were doing their job. If they were, he could recover. His lungs would start functioning again and that was a start. It was a start to his road to full recovery, to a time when his kidneys would be functioning on his own and his infection would be completely gone.

The boys all clustered around Mrs. Knight beside Kendall's bed, waiting for Dr. Johnson to arrive. James held Katie close to him on his lap, feeling an overwhelming need to protect the little girl. She seemed to grow so weak over the past few days, it was scary. She felt so lightweight and the way she curled into his chest, seeking warmth and comfort scared the pretty boy to death. She wouldn't even _look _at her brother anymore. She would just stare out the window across the room, at the trees and the birds and anything that wasn't the devastating sight in front of her.

It seemed like ages, but Dr. Johnson finally entered the room with a furrowed brow and sadness in his eyes. Logan immediately gripped Mrs. Knight's hand for whatever was about to come, and Carlos clung onto Logan's free arm, watching the doctor intently.

"Hello Mrs. Knight, boys," Dr. Johnson began, briefly greeting them with a nod of his head. "I have Kendall's results back and… It's not good. His oxygen count is still dangerously low and his lungs have no hope of functioning on their own. The steroids aren't doing him any good, they've had no effect and you remember what I told you if there's no response, right?" The doctor looked at the family's tearful faces expectantly. It was incredibly hard to tell a family such terrible news so bluntly, but he needed to make sure they understood. The last thing he wanted to do was give them false hope.

"H-he's going to die?" Carlos asked, but it was more of a statement than a question. He could feel his loved ones flinch at the words as soon as they left his mouth but he had to know.

Doctor Johnson didn't want to say that outright, not yet. He just couldn't. Who was he to say that the life of a child was over, just like that? Who was he to ruin these innocent people's lives and crush all the hope they had left? He just couldn't bring himself to do it.

"There's nothing we else we can do," Dr. Johnson said, clearing his throat. He was choking up and he had to compose himself, quick.

"But you said 5 days, it's only been 4," Carlos bargained, panic starting to seep in. He looked to Logan and James for help but they stared at their feet, stifling their tears. They were at a loss for words, at once not knowing how to comfort their friend. They just watched helplessly as the small boy went straight up to Dr. Johnson, begging for an answer.

"You said 3 to 5 days! It hasn't been 5 days yet!" Carlos said, on the brink of yelling. Hot tears burned his eyes and blurred his vision.

"A response must be immediate and we haven't seen any," Dr. Johnson tried to calmly explain. "The steroids haven't helped. His body isn't fighting his infection. He's already at stage 4 renal failure. I'm sorry, Carlos. There's nothing else we can do but wait."

Carlos' face was red and he was starting to shake. His friends were beginning to worry for him. James said Carlos' name but the smaller boy just ignored it.

"Is he getting worse?" Carlos asked the doctor in a soft voice. Dr. Johnson shook his head no, because no, while Kendall was showing no improvement he wasn't getting worse either. But in time, he would fade more and more. It was inevitable.

"Then there's still hope," Carlos said with all confidence, not noticing the way Mrs. Knight sobbed in Logan's arms at his naïve words or the way James breathed heavily, crying into Katie's hair because he just couldn't control it anymore. Dr. Johnson noticed what this was doing to his family and it was either he breakdown or be completely honest, and he chose the latter.

"He can't survive like this, Carlos," Dr. Johnson said, tears escaping now. "All we can do is make him comfortable. His body is shutting down on him. I'm sorry, Carlos."

"No," Carlos said, and suddenly he did something completely unsuspected. He brought his fist back and punched the doctor square in the jaw, causing the man to stagger back in surprise.

"Carlos!" Mrs. Knight scolded, standing up and grabbing the shaking boy by the shoulders. He let out a pitiful sob and looked at his brothers, Katie, and Mrs. Knight. They were all broken. Crying and terrified and just _broken. _ Guilt washed over him when he realized the way he had reacted, but he needed to do something other than just accept it and cry. Kendall was not dying. He couldn't be. It was a nightmare, a sick, cruel joke that God was playing on him and he would wake up and Kendall would be fine, because the blonde boy did not deserve to be suffering like this.

"It's alright, Mrs. Knight. If it's ok with you, I would like to step outside so we can have a few words," Dr. Johnson said, wanting to talk with her about Kendall's options.

"Carlos, dude, are you alright?" Logan asked, approaching the flushed boy and taking his hand in his to examine his already bruised knuckles. He hissed in sympathy. "These need ice, Carlos."

"They're fine," Carlos said softly, but he left his hand in Logan's. The junior doctor rubbed his knuckles soothingly.

"You talk with Carlos, I'm going to go take Katie outside for some air," James said, lifting Katie onto his hip as if she were a small child. Logan nodded and James left so they could have some privacy.

"Should we talk somewhere else for a little bit?" Logan asked, knowing that being in the same room as Kendall would upset Carlos further. Honestly, Logan found it hard to be in the same room as the ill boy. It was all too much, too fast. The doctor's words hadn't even sunk into Logan yet. It was like his mind was purposely numbing itself so he could be strong for Carlos, who needed support more than ever right now.

"No, I can't leave him," Carlos mumbled, sitting beside Kendall. "He's gonna wake up, Logan. He's gonna be ok, don't worry. You'll see. Ok Kendall? You'll be just fine." Carlos leaned over to stroke Kendall's har away from his face and kiss his forehead tenderly.

Logan shut his eyes, the pain too much for him to bear. This couldn't be happening. Why was this happening? "Carlos, please, buddy."

Carlos looked at Logan darkly and raised his voice. "Don't tell me you believe that idiot doctor too? You really think Kendall would leave us?"

"It's not Kendall's choice, you know that," Logan whispered. He hated how it sounded like he was admitting that Kendall was going to die, but he wasn't like Carlos. He knew the truth and he knew the facts. He didn't believe that Kendall would die, but he knew the situation was not good and time was running out.

"Can I just have a few minutes with him?" Carlos asked, never taking his eyes off Kendall. Logan sighed.

"Of course, bud," he said. Carlos waited until Logan left the room before climbing into bed beside Kendall very carefully. He stroked Kendall's cold cheek gently before taking the ill boys' hand in his, and then he prayed.

Logan walked aimlessly through the halls for nearly an hour, trying to clear his racing mind. The words "Kendall's dying" flashed through his mind several times but he erased it immediately. No, it was not over yet. How could his entire fate be decided in such a small amount of time? It just didn't seem possible.

Kendall was the type of person to fight everything tooth and nail. He was the most defiant person Logan knew. He refused to take no for an answer, no matter what the circumstances and no matter what the repercussions were. If Kendall fought so hard for things that seemed so miniscule now, then wouldn't he be fighting even harder for his life right now?

"Logan? Baby!" Mrs. Knight called, watching Logan wander down the hallway past the office where Dr. Johnson had taken her to talk. It was a large, comfortable and private room, and they had discussed deeply about what to do for a long time and she was just leaving to think things through.

"Mama Knight?" Logan asked in a small voice. Mrs. Knight's heart broke at the sound. She just wanted to take her kids pain away, even though there was nothing she could do. She felt so horribly helpless, but she had to handle this somehow. Those boys needed her now more than ever.

"Are you ok baby?" Mrs. Knight asked, putting an arm around Logan's shoulder and leading him to a place to sit, where she ran her fingers lovingly through his raven hair.

"C-can we talk?" He asked nervously, unsure if Mrs. Knight was even in the state of mind to function at the moment.

"Of course we can, honey. About Kendall?"

Logan nodded, feeling the tears welling up and his cheeks burning. He buried his face in her shoulder. "What's gonna happen mama? I'm scared."

Mrs. Knight took a deep breath and gently pried Logan off her shoulder so she could hold his pale, angelic face in her fragile hands and look into his chocolate eyes. He looked so small. He was just a child, and it took her breath away to know how much this young life depended on her. Logan was always just like a son to her ever since his own mother passed away. She practically raised him since he was in grade school. No matter what happened, she would always be mom and she had to stay strong.

"I had a talk with Dr. Johnson and I've decided that we are going to keep treating Kendall with antibiotics and steroids for the next week and see what happens. Now I'm only telling you this, I can't tell James and Carlos and Katie, not yet. But if there is no improvement by next week, I've…" Mrs. Knight suddenly choked up, unable to say the unbearable words.

"Mrs. Knight, no," Logan pleaded, knowing what she was about to say. Mrs. Knight just nodded and hugged Logan tightly.

"I can't see my baby suffer Logan, I can't. We would have to let him go sometime."

"A week's not long enough! It's not enough time!" Logan said, sobbing in his motherly figures arms now. He knew it was true, if Kendall's body continued to shut down they would have to pull the plug and more than most likely, Kendall was not going to get better.

"We can't lose hope, Logan. Kendall is still in this fight, he hasn't lost it yet. I just want you to be prepared. But right now we have to be here for Kendall, we have to fight with him." Mrs. Knight's voice sounded so strong and so sure, he started to believe her. Still, he cried on her shoulder, feeling utterly weak and so frightened. He wasn't ready to say goodbye yet.

**A/N It's the middle of the night and I was listening to "energy" by Skillet and "Hallelujah" by Rufus Wainwright on repeat, so you can't blame me for all this angst. Love me, hate me? Review, pleasie? I love you guys. Thanks for reading and thanks to my anon reviewer btr lover for her awesome reviews and all my other anons who I can't reply too!**


	18. goodbye

**A/N Thanks so much everyone who's sticking through this crazy thing and putting up with my scarce updating! Hope you likey!**

A few days passed of no progress from Kendall. Every day, Carlos would anxiously arrive at Kendall's room first thing in the morning, expecting any change in the blonde's health, any sign of life. And each morning, there was none.

Kendall was slowly fading. All Logan could hope was that he was so far away that he couldn't feel the agony his body was going through. It scared the small brunette to think that his innocent best friend was trapped somewhere in there, feeling his organs shutting down on him, unable to break free. It was a morbid thought. And he knew his friends felt the same way.

One night, James had woken up screaming because he had a dream that Kendall was trapped in this tiny hole filled with flames, slowly being burned alive. He was yelling for help but there was nothing he could do. He just had to watch his best friend die.

Logan and Carlos, who slept in the same room as James since they arrived home last week because they could not bear to be separated for more than a minute let alone sleep in their own rooms, awoke to the heart-breaking screams. James thrashed around and sobbed in his sleep, covered in sweat and tears. He clawed at his sheets, literally ripping them with his nails. Carlos clung to Logan's back, frightened by the sight. They had all gone through their fair share of nightmares but this was by far the worst.

"Logan, what's happening?" Carlos asked. He wanted to wake James up and save him from the terrible fit he was in but he was afraid to get to close to him.

"I'm not sure," Logan said, eyeing James warily. He was about to ask Mrs. Knight for help when James suddenly yelled out Kendall's name and jolted himself awake and into a sitting position.

"James?" Carlos asked in a tiny voice. James stared at him with wild, terrified eyes. The small Latino took a step towards him, but James got to his feet and stormed past Carlos, nearly knocking him over in the process.

"Whoa, James buddy what's going on?" Logan asked, reaching out to steady Carlos. James just ignored his friends and kept walking. Logan and Carlos shared confused glances and followed behind their big brother, who went into Kendall's room and just stared at the blonde's bed, still made from the last time he slept in it, which was over a week ago.

"Kendall," James whispered, his face showing no emotion.

"James, talk to us man," Logan said gently, touching James' arm. James closed his eyes and took a deep breath. For a moment, he was expecting to see Kendall safe and sound in his bed, hugging his pillow to his chest and muttering mixed up song lyrics like he always did when he was in a deep sleep. It was like a stab to the gut to find his bed cold and empty.

"Where is he?" James choked out, lowering himself onto Kendall's bed ever so gently, as to not mess up the perfectly placed blankets and pillows. Kendall was a messy person but for some reason, he liked his bed to be made every day so it was easier to snuggle under the covers when he lay down at night. It was one of many of Kendall's odd, loveable quirks that made him…_ Kendall._

Logan squeezed Carlos' shoulders reassuringly before sitting next to James. He hesitantly put a hand on James' back, and when the taller boy made no move to reject the gentle touch, he rubbed his back in small circles. "He's in the hospital, James. You know that."

James shook his head, a single tear rolling from the corner of his eye down to his chin. "No, I mean where is he, Logan? His body is in that hospital bed, but Kendall just seems so far from us. No matter how much we yell for him, he won't come back to us, Logan. Why won't he come back?" A sob shook through James' body and he turned, burying his face in Logan's neck.

Logan was speechless for a moment. What could he possibly say to ease his poor friend's nerves? There was nothing that could make this situation ok, _nothing._ "What did you dream of, Jamie?" The smaller boy finally said, knowing that they needed to talk about it or else it would kill them inside.

James pulled away, afraid to talk about his dream. It was so horrible, it sickened him. He looked up to see Logan watching him with understanding, expectant eyes, than turned to see Carlos standing several feet away from him, his arms folded around his middle and eyes staring at the floor.

"Carlos, are you alright?" James asked.

"You kind of scared him, buddy," Logan told him. James' eyes widened with understanding. He knew he was probably acting like an insane person right now.

"Oh, Carlos… I'm sorry buddy. Come here." James held his arm out. Carlos took a step forward, and James took his hand so he could bring the Latino next to him and motioned for him to sit beside him.

"Please tell us," Carlos said hopefully. He wanted to know what could have scared James so bad that he acted violently.

"It was just a nightmare, James," Logan said when James bit his lip, more tears escaping his dark eyes.

"No, it wasn't just a nightmare because it's really happening guys. I dreamt that Kendall was dying and we just stood there, watching him helplessly. He was begging for help and we did _nothing._" James' voice broke off in a sob and he buried his face in his hands, too distraught to speak. "I just want to wake up now. I want Kendall to wake up so I can wake up from this nightmare. I can't stand just waiting like this, knowing that he is suffering, wondering what's going to happen... Wondering if Kendall will ever get to sleep in this bed again." James gestured to the soft, inviting pillows and sniffled. "It's too hard to be in here. Everything reminds me of him."

"Then let's go to bed," Logan said. He wished he had some calm, uplifting words to share with his friends but he didn't. He was just as hopeless as James was. "It's late, we need sleep." James made no move to leave, just stared at the empty bed, stroking the comforter with his fingers. Logan gave Carlos a look. Carlos nodded and helped Logan haul James to his feet and out of the room. They were surprised to find Mrs. Knight standing in the hallway, waiting for them.

"Mama Knight?" Logan asked worriedly. He noticed that her eyes were puffy and red, like she had been crying but quickly composed herself.

"I heard all the commotion, I was just wondering if everything was alright," the motherly figure said in a hoarse tone. She had obviously heard James' bad dream and it had torn her to pieces.

"Yeah mama, we're fine," Logan said softly. "Just bad dreams, you know."

Mrs. Knight nodded. She knew all about bad dreams. To be honest, she hadn't slept for more than an hour or two a night. She looked to sleep for some ounce of peace, but it always betrayed her. She would have nightmares only to wake back up to this horrible reality. There was no escape.

"Boys, I need to talk to you about something," Mrs. Knight said, directing her words to Carlos and James. Logan felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. Carlos and James were the only ones who didn't know yet.

"Mrs. Knight, is this really the time?" Logan asked, wondering why she would chose 2 in the morning to discuss this.

"They need to know. Come on, boys." Mrs. Knight led them to her room, where they huddled against each other on her queen-sized bed.

"What's going on?" Carlos asked nervously, and Mrs. Knight sat in front of him and took both of his hands in hers.

"It's about Kendall," Mrs. Knight said. "I already told Logan but I didn't know how to tell you and James."

"What is it? Is he feeling better?" Carlos asked, eyes lighting up with hope for a miniscule second.

"No baby, he's not," Mrs. Knight said. "Carlos, he's not going to get better. I wanted to keep this from you for as long as I could but keeping you in the dark is worse. Nothing is working, honey-"

"No!" Carlos shouted. His body posture stiffened in anger. "Mrs. Knight, you can't be giving up! He's your son!"

"Carlos!" Logan scolded when Mrs. Knight looked like somebody stabbed her in the gut. Tears filled her eyes, but she shook her head.

"It's ok, he just doesn't understand," Mrs. Knight said, fighting to keep her composure. "We've tried everything and nothings working, boys. Now I know all 3 of you feel like you need to do something to help him, right?"

James nodded, sniffling. "That's what my dream was about. He was in so much pain and I couldn't do anything."

"I have dreams like that, too. I want to help my baby," Mrs. Knight said. "But keeping him on machines that force him to stay alive isn't helping him, it's only hurting him. So that's why I have made the decision to unplug him by the end of the week."

James looked at Mrs. Knight in mind-numbing shock. His stomach churned with anger. He was angry to God for doing this to Kendall, he was angry at Mrs. Knight for even considering this, and he was angry at Kendall for not waking up. If he could, he would march straight down to the hospital and punch him square in the jaw for forcing his own mother to have to make a decision like this. He just wanted somebody to blame, somebody to hurt, but the truth was this was nobody's fault. Nobody asked for this, and punching everybody wouldn't change the fact that Kendall was dying (or was he already dead, after all he couldn't even breathe on his own) so James just turned and buried his face in Logan's chest, heavy sobs wracking his thin frame. He was shaking so hard, Mrs. Knight feared he would fall to pieces right there on the bed.

Carlos' confused eyes darted between Mrs. Knight and Logan. He wasn't quite sure what Mrs. Knight had meant, but it obviously couldn't have been good. Logan and Mrs. Knight looked completely agonized and James couldn't stop crying. His wails were high-pitched and heart breaking. Mrs. Knight looked like she was at a loss at what to do.

"I-I don't understand mama Knight," Carlos admitted, scooting closer to her. She took him into her arms and stroked his hair gently.

"None of us want to see Kendall suffer anymore, baby," Mrs. Knight whispered in his ear. "We need to let him go, ok? So at the end of the week, the doctors are going to unplug all the machines that are keeping him alive and then…" Mrs. Knight's voice caught in her throat as tears ran down her cheeks. Carlos' heart clenched in panic, and he held onto her small body tightly. She rocked him in a soothing, slow motion. "It's the angels turn to have him, ok baby?" Mrs. Knight said, trying to explain it in the most innocent way possible. "Listen to me, boys. Tomorrow, I want all of you to say your goodbyes to Kendall, and then the next couple days we're just going to be there for him. Sing to him, make jokes, talk to him. Can you do that for him?"

The boys nodded, listening to every word she said. If Mrs. Knight could be strong for Kendall, they could be strong for her.

"Does Katie know yet?" Carlos asked, wondering how the little girl was doing.

"I told her earlier tonight, she um… She cried herself to sleep. It's so hard for her because she's old enough to understand what's going on but too young to know how to deal with it. Are you boys ok?" Mrs. Knight asked. James was still crying and Carlos still clung to her neck, and Logan just looked numb. When she received no answer but tears, she sighed and laid them each gently on a pillow beside her and brought the covers to their shoulders before lying next to them. As expected, they curled in on each other and cried themselves to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~

James stood in front of Kendall's door the next day, stomach fluttering with nerves. It was stupid to be nervous, he knew. But he couldn't help it. How was he supposed to go about this, just go in there and say goodbye? And then pretend for the next few short days of Kendall's life that everything was fine when it so obviously wasn't? He was almost mad at Mrs. Knight for expecting such a thing from him, but he knew she was right. It would be much easier if they said their goodbyes early so that way they could enjoy their last days with him.

With a deep breath, James gathered all the strength he could muster and walked through those doors and to Kendall's bed. He always tried to be strong for Kendall, and this was no exception.

He was half expecting Kendall to sit up when he came in, with his goofy grin and an outstretched hand to slap him high five. He could almost hear him say "Hey bro, what's up?" In his casual, laidback voice, almost like a ghost was whispering to him. James quickly wiped a tear from his eye and sat beside Kendall's motionless body, trying to ignore the loud cacophony of noise that the machines were making.

"Dude, how can you sleep with all this noise?" James asked with the tiniest smile, attempting a little joke because that was always Kendall's way of dealing with things: crack a joke and everything was ok. If only things were that simple this time. James sighed. "You know I'd do anything to see you smile again, Kendall? It's been so long, it seems. But I would literally do anything to have you back home, you know that? I've spent every night this past week just bargaining to whatever messed up God did this to you to let me trade places with you. I know you'd kill me if you could hear me right now, but if I could, I would take your place in a heartbeat Kendall. You were always there for me, through everything. I would be a completely different person if you weren't in my life. When my dad left, I was so messed up but you swooped in and you were right there to fix everything. You were always right here with me to clean up the messes my life always left and to think that you won't be here anymore…" James let out a stifled sob. He was hoping to hold back his tears until after he was done talking but it was impossible. His emotions were too overwhelming.

"Kendall you can't go yet, you just can't. You were always there for me and I haven't even repaid you for it. I haven't even thanked you, bro. What am I supposed to do without you? How am I supposed to wake up every morning knowing I'd never see those green eyes again? Y-you always taught me what being strong really meant when we were growing up. You told me when we were 10 years old that strength comes from the heart, and not the muscles. And that one day we'll be men and we'll have to be strong for the loved ones around us, no matter how much it hurts. You said we'll have to be brave, strong men but then you told me not to worry because we'll have each other's shoulders to cry on at the end of the day." James stopped for a moment to wipe the flood of tears that escaped. It was like a dam of emotion was let loose at that moment. He leaned down and put his head on Kendall's chest and sobbed, unable to control it anymore. "Kendall, please don't go. I need you, we all need you. I can't be strong without you, bro. I came in here to say goodbye, but there's no words I can say right now that can measure up to how much I'm thankful for everything you've done and how much I love you. I just want you back, Kendall." James laid like that for over an hour, just holding Kendall close in silence, remembering all the times he shared with Kendall. He couldn't remember a time without him in his life. Kendall was always just there.

"James, you alright?" Logan asked from behind him, watching the heart breaking scene in front of him. He had become worried for his friend and came in to check on him. James shook his head, his face still buried in Kendall's chest.

"Logan, I can't do this," James sobbed. Logan was right by his side in an instant, gathering him in his arms and holding him close. He held him for several minutes, stroking his hair and crying with him.

"I'll leave you with Kendall," James said in a hoarse voice. He briefly wondered how in the world he was still crying, how all his tears weren't dried up by now.

"Are you sure?" Logan asked, wiping James' tear-soaked bangs out of his red eyes. He looked so broken and lost, it scared Logan. But James nodded and gave Kendall's cheek a kiss before standing up.

"I need to be alone for a bit," James admitted. "I'll see ya, bro."

Logan nodded in understanding and watched James leave before turning to his sweet, beautiful friend lying oblivious next to him. Logan sucked in a deep breath. He wasn't ready for this, not yet.

"Hey Kendall," he started, taking Kendall's hand in his. "You know, we're all falling apart here without you big bro. James isn't doing so good and you're the only one who can help him. You're the only one who could help me, too. You've helped me through so much, bro. I never told you this, but remember in 9th grade and those guys were bullying me all year and my mom went back to her drinking problem? It was New Year's Eve night, and Kendall, I was going to end it. You don't know this but I stole some of my mom's sleeping pills and I walked to the pond that we always skated on, it was the one place that brought me peace. And if you hadn't found me when you did, I wouldn't be here. Because when I… It was weird, it was like I could just feel you were there and I hid the handful of pills I was just about to swallow under the snow and then there you were right beside me. You took me into your arms and just having you with me made everything ok. It was freezing that night but you stayed with me for hours, warming me up and letting me cry and you didn't even know what I was about to do. You saved me, Kendall. Just by telling me it was going to be ok. You saved my life and I can't do the same for you and it kills me inside. I feel like I've just been in denial ever since that day that you got sick. It seems like a lifetime ago even though it's been just a couple weeks. But it seems so real now, Kendall. It's not going to be ok this time, is it? It's going to happen. I'm going to lose you. I understand if you need to leave now, though. You've been fighting so hard and I understand if you want to rest now, buddy. I won't be mad at you, ok? I'll be right here with you through it all. I won't leave you." Logan moved his hand through Kendall's soft, golden hair. "God, you look so peaceful. I love you, Kendall. You know that, right? And I'll never be ready to say goodbye. But when it happens, I'll be right here, ok? No matter what happens, you'll always have me." Logan sighed, there was still so much he felt he needed to say but there was one important thing, a strange feeling that he had been feeling the past week and he only just realized what it was. He smiled to himself, finding comfort in this one thing. "That feeling that I had by the pond so many years ago? It's back, buddy. It's as if you're here with me, even though I can't see you. I couldn't see you at the pond yet I just knew you were coming and remembering that, it's like you're not really as far gone as everyone thinks you are." Logan dried his eyes, the urge to cry not as strong as before. Hope glimmered deep in his chest for a reason he was not sure and he was strangely comforted. Kendall was still hanging on with everything he had in him. It wasn't over, not yet.

Carlos was last to say goodbye to Kendall. He chose to stay glued by Mrs. Knight's side the entire day, reverting to his childish ways. Not that Mrs. Knight minded. She needed to feel needed right now. She had the distraction of 4 healthy children who fully depended on her to keep her from going insane. Katie and Carlos let her baby them. She hugged them, brought them juice, rocked them, and took care of them and they let her. James had gone MIA since that morning, unable to handle his emotions. He sent them a few texts saying that he was alright so they decided to respect his need for some distance. And Logan, beneath the fear and sadness, had gained a healthy layer or optimism. Mrs. Knight couldn't describe it, but when he emerged from Kendall's room, he seemed different.

After Logan's turn was Katie's, and then Mrs. Knight had her turn. Now she stood beside Carlos at Kendall's door, encouraging the frightened boy to go inside.

"It's ok baby, Kendall would love for you to talk to him. I'll be right out here if you need me."

Carlos nodded, gave Mrs. Knight a quick hug, and entered Kendall's room. The blonde's chest moved up and down slowly, the only indicator that he was still alive. But how much longer would that last?

"Kendall? It's me, Carlos," the small boy said in a shaky voice. He sat gingerly on Kendall's bed and ran his fingertips down the sleeping boy's cheek. Of course, Carlos received no reaction from the sweet gesture. "Are you even with us at all, buddy?" He asked gently. Carlos was from a religious family and they always taught him that a person was more than just a body, they had souls inside them. He wondered if Kendall's soul had already left them, gone to heaven days ago. Or was it lost somewhere, trying to find its way back?

"Are you lost Kendall?" Carlos asked, continuing the gentle motion on Kendall's cheek. His skin was cool and soft to the touch. Usually Kendall was so warm. It was like he retained all his body heat and emitted all this warmth that matched his personality. Kendall had a warm soul, Carlos thought. Maybe that was why he was cold right now, because he was so far away.

"Can you hear me Kendall? I wish you could. If you can, maybe you can just follow our voices until you find us again. Just listen for me, ok? That's what you were always best at. Well, you were amazing at a lot of things but nobody ever listens to me except you. You always listened to whatever I had to say, actually heard what I was saying when nobody else would. It didn't matter what it was about, you would just listen and I would actually feel worth something. You always made me feel special, Kendy." Carlos sat in silence for a few moments, watching his best friend sleep. He remembered when Kendall used to stay up all night for random reasons and when Logan would yell at him for it, Kendall would always retort with "I'll have plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead." Maybe that's what he was doing right now, catching up on sleep because he was so tired from pulling all-nighters practicing his slap-shot and doing homework and stuff.

Carlos wiped away a couple tears, knowing deep down that it wasn't true no matter how badly he wanted to believe it. His childish thinking was no comfort to him anymore. He knew what was going on. He knew that Kendall's body was shutting down. His kidneys and his lungs were broken, and those 2 things were very important to survive. Carlos wasn't stupid.

"I'll miss you, Kendall. But you don't have to worry' cause I'll see you again. It will be a lifetime to me but it will seem like tomorrow for you. We'll see each other again one day, ok? We can sing together like we used to, and play hockey and everything will be the same as it was. I just hope you're not scared, Kendall. Does it hurt in there, buddy? It kills me to think that you're hurting." Carlos took a deep breath. "You can let go if you have to. We need you but I don't want you to be in pain. Don't be scared, it will be ok. Mommy and daddy always told me that heaven is a beautiful place and you won't hurt there anymore, all your cares will be taken away. I always imagined heaven as a giant ice rink with a ton of corn dogs and cute girls. I bet you'll always be singing up there, I know how much you love to sing. I'll be listening for your voice." Carlos lied down and brought Kendall into his arms. "I love you so much, big bro. I'll never give up on you. I wish more than anything that you'd come back to me, but if you choose to go, I'll still love you just as much."

**A/N Ok, I'm going to go rip my heart out of my chest and jump off of a cliff because that's what this story is doing to me. 2 more chapters left. I've had this planned out for a while now and I really hope you all stick with me through this, you will not be disappointed.**

**Please, please review my little lovelies.**


	19. Let go

Logan sat in the small, stark white room that he had been spending all his time in for the past couple weeks. He had his chin in his hands, fingers rubbing the tiny amount of stubble that had appeared from not shaving for several days. Every morning, day and evening was spent in this room. There was no time for trivial things like shaving. The need to be with Kendall during his last days was too strong.

Any other day, Logan would sit in the uncomfortable, over-used brown chair by Kendall's bedside, stroking the sick boy's knuckles and squeezing his hand, singing to him or speaking softly to him about random things like they used to during easier times. His stomach would clench at the thought of never hearing Kendall's voice again, and anger and despair would fill his veins, but he would stay strong for the dying boy beside him. He wouldn't even let a tear escape.

But this day, it was different. The room was silent for once. The beeping of the heart monitor, the wooshing of the ventilator, the sound of the dialysis machine, it was all gone, leaving nothing but an eerie quiet behind. Tears that he hadn't allowed to be known finally flooded his eyes and ran down his cheeks uncontrollably. Nearly 2 weeks had gone by. Mrs. Knight had decided to keep Kendall on life support far longer than she expected, finding it too hard to flip that one little switch that would decide the fate of Kendall's lost soul.

But now, the bed that Logan was so used to seeing hold the body of his best friend was empty. The sheets were neatly made and the pillow was clean and fluffy, leaving no remnants that Logan's best friend- his _brother- _had been there. The past few weeks finally caught up too Logan. He could only pretend to be strong for so long, and now he found himself sobbing in the cold, empty room as the events that happened replayed in his mind again and again. The days before Kendall had turned ill, the night Logan found out about Kendall's sickness, the car wreck. Memories hit him like a brick and his body wavered and shuddered as each one crashed into his mind. He had been living in a dark nightmare that grabbed had grabbed his heart and refused to let go, refused to let him see the light. But now, 3 words creeped into his mind and he let out the loudest sob he could muster from his chest.

_It was over_.

The suffering, the fear of the unknown, it was finally over. He could let go now. With a deep breath and an overwhelming sense of renew, Logan got up from that chair and left the room. There was no need to be in there. It was all over.

Logan made his way down out if the ICU, silently saying goodbye knowing he wouldn't miss such a dreaded place. He rode the elevator down to the first floor, where his family awaited him. He smiled to himself when he saw his small family at the front desk, Mrs. Knight talking to Kendall's doctor. He dried his eyes quickly as he didn't want them to know he had been crying.

"Hey Logie, what took you so long?" A familiar voice asked, and Logan had to stop more tears from coming when he heard the sweet sound. He looked over to see bright green eyes shining up at him. Underneath it was a scrunched up nose and an endearing, cheeky grin. Kendall rolled back and forth in his wheelchair, antsy as ever. He was so ready to get out of this hospital. Logan just chuckled and wiped a few stray tears away, and Kendall's grin faded to a worried frown. Logan didn't like seeing that, he wanted to see that smile on Kendall's face forever and never let it fade.

"What's wrong?" Kendall asked, wheeling himself towards his younger brother. Logan accidently let a cross between a chuckle and a tiny sob escape.

"Nothing, I-I'm fine, Kendall. I just had to clear my mind, buddy." Logan stared down at the best friend he never thought he would see again with pride and love he never felt before. He was here, he was with him. Logan had feared so much that those green eyes would never look at him ever again. He had grown so used to Kendall's brotherly, shiny gaze and now that Kendall was looking at him like he had done his entire life, Logan nearly broke down again.

"_It's over, it's over,"_ Logan had to repeat in his mind. He still felt stuck in the nightmare. It didn't seem real that Kendall was alive, he wasn't gone. He hadn't left them, he found his way back. The antibiotics finally seemed to do their job about a week ago. Kendall woke up with full function of his lungs again. He would be on an inhaler for the rest of his life and he would need breathing treatments every couple of months, but he was breathing. He was _alive._

His kidneys were a different story. It was a miracle he didn't need a kidney transplant, but he would be on dialysis for several months, even years, maybe even the rest of his life. Even though Kendall was allowed to go home, it was only because Mrs. Knight decided to bring the hospital to him. Currently, the hospital staff was packing his dialysis machine and medications into the van, and Kendall would have his own personal nurse for the next month or so while he recovered. After that, the dialysis would only need to be done once a month at the hospital instead of every day, twice a day. It broke Logan's heart to know Kendall had to go through such a grueling recovery process, but if daily dialysis meant Kendall would live, than that was enough for Logan.

"Hey Kendall, I dare you to do a wheelie!" Carlos suddenly said, skipping to where Kendall watched Logan with concern. The blonde knew Logan was taking it hard, they all were. But he was ok now. They had told him that they thought he was going to die, and it was a shock to him, but he just smiled and cracked jokes about how they thought their leader would actually leave him. But inside, it hurt to know he scared his buddies like that, had put them through something so horrible.

But Kendall shook himself from his thoughts, as did Logan, and they smiled at their smallest friend.

"You know I can," Kendall said with a grin. He pulled Carlos onto his lap and started to do a wheelie. Logan had a mini panic attack and grabbed the wheelchair.

"Kendall, are you insane, you nearly died and now you're doing wheelies? You're in no state to do this. Carlos, get out of his lap, you're squishing him," Logan said. Kendall just laughed, his hilarious, adorable, beautiful laugh, and pulled Logan into his lap after Carlos got up. Strong arms wrapped around Logan and the smaller boy melted into his embrace, thankful for the feeling of his protector's arms holding him once again.

"Logie, I missed you," Kendall said, completely serious now. He leaned down and planted a sloppy kiss atop the pale boy's forehead. Logan blushed at the sudden affectionate, brotherly gesture but to be honest, he didn't care who saw. He was just so grateful to have his brother back.

But he was also afraid he was hurting Kendall's frail body (he was still on an IV for goodness sakes!) so he stood up gingerly. "I missed you too, Kendall. I really… I thought we lost you," Logan whispered. Carlos swung his arm around Logan's shoulder and Kendall grabbed Logan hands in his, folding them together.

"Hey, listen to me," Kendall said. "I know it was scary, but I'm never going to leave you guys, ok?"

"Hey, did I miss something?" James asked, appearing beside Kendall. He had emerged from the restroom to find his 3 tearful best friends standing in a tiny, tight circle. Kendall gave him a smile.

"I was just telling these goons that they're never going to lose me," Kendall said in a soft, inspiring voice. It was his "peptalk" voice that the boys had grown to love. It was gentle, yet had purpose. "I'm not gonna leave you guys. Ok? I know I put you guys through hell but it's over now. "

The boys sniffed and nodded, and Kendall looked at them with love. He loved his friends, more than anything. The whole time he was sick, he knew they never left his bedside. When he woke up, there was nothing but "Thank you Lords" and hugs and tears of indescribable joy but he knew now that the fact that they almost lost him was really starting to sink in.

"Can we just get out of here?" Kendall asked, looking at the hospital with distaste. He really hated this place. He wanted nothing more than to get in his own warm bed and cuddle with his friends for a while, enjoying each other company. Yes, he was a fully grown teenage boy in need of cuddles. He just wanted to hold his younger friends close and let them know, he was with them now. It was ok.

Carlos chuckled and grinned fondly at Kendall. "Yeah, let's go home."

**A/N See what I did there? You thought he was dead, didn't you? Don't deny it. I'm clever. Yeah, so I'm just going to go hide under a rock and cry into my pillowpet now because the thought that this has one more chapter left (the epilgue!) is going to just break me down into a million tiny pieces. Thanks so much to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorite, and alerted this and don't you worry, I'm going to get really sappy about it next chapter so I'll spare you this time. Coming up next is a really sweet, cute, short epilogue for you guys that will make you awe and snort and fluff up inside, I don't know. Love you all.**


	20. start again

"_Big Time Rush! Big Time Rush! Big Time Rush! Kendall! Kendall! Kendall!"_

Kendall looked out into the swarms of thousands of fans, all chanting his name proudly. A couple months of fighting his illness had gone by and this was his first concert, or public appearance of any kind, since he had gotten sick.

It had been a miserable couple months of struggling to become well again. His illness caused him to be on an emotional roller coaster, wearing him down to the bone until he was afraid he wouldn't be able to fight anymore. But his friends had been his crutch, his salvation.

And now, here he was, pounding music pulsing through his veins and screams of his fans ringing through his ears as the band started to sing "Big Night". When they finished the song, Kendall just stood in the middle of the stage for a couple minutes, letting the overwhelming feelings sink in. His buddies began to get worried by his suddenly motionless state but when their leader turned to face them with tears glistening in his happy, wide eyes and a huge grin on his face, they knew he was more than ok.

Before the show, Kendall had admitted to them that while he was dying, even though he was so far away, he could recall their voices begging him to hold on. It seemed like such a faded memory now, as if it happened in a whole other lifetime. But he knew it's what saved him. So that's why, standing on the stage that he shared with his brothers, he raised his microphone to his mouth and began a completely unplanned speech. He felt like his fans should know everything, and his best friends should as well.

"You know, a few months ago, I got really sick," Kendall started in a small, nervous voice. He never talked about his illness to anyone but Carlos, James and Logan before. Their back up band seemed to catch on quickly and started playing slow background music and the lights dimmed. "I had a kidney infection that turned into septicemia. I hid my pain from my friends and suffered in silence until it was too late. It was a stupid move. They tried to help me and Logan even risked his life to save mine…" Kendall cut off for a moment to compose himself. Tears pricked at his eyes at the thought of Logan nearly dying to help him. "I- I was almost gone. My body was shutting down on me. I was in so much pain. All I wanted to do was escape and I almost did. But every day, these guys were right there next to me. Sometimes I still hear their voices in my sleep, telling me to hang on and to please not leave them…" Kendall sniffled and wiped at his eyes, tears flowing freely now. He looked over and saw tears sparkling off of the dim stage lights in the dark eyes of his best friends. They gave him encouraging nods and smiles and Kendall continued in a voice filled with emotion. "They forced me not to give up and they said that just a couple days before the doctors were going to unplug me and let me go, I woke up with the first deep breath that I took on my own for weeks. My infection was fading and my lungs somehow regained full function, which is rare in somebody who was suffering from ARDS as long as I was. My recovery was nothing short of miraculous and I know the reason why I was given a second chance. These guys, right here." Kendall gestured to his boys and put his arm around Carlos. "They pulled me through and I got through it alive somehow. They saved my life. I wouldn't be here if I didn't have them, I would have given up. Nothing I could do would ever make up for what they did for me." Kendall choked up a bit and Carlos squeezed his shoulder affectionately. Logan and James were now crowded around Kendall for support and there wasn't a dry eye in the audience.

"It feels so good to be alive," Kendall said through his tears. "Music is such a huge passion of mine and being on this stage under all these lights in front of all of you with my brothers, I feel more alive than I ever had before. I'm so thankful for life and for these boys. They're my heroes, and I love them more than I could express. I love you guys." Kendall brought Carlos, Logan and James in for a hug and held them closely. They cried into his neck and clung onto him tightly. Logan pulled away and ruffled Kendall's hair before mouthing something to their band, than turned to the audience.

"This one is for you, Kendall," Logan announced. "This is your someday, buddy!"

The music to "This Is Our Someday" exploded through the amps, and Logan started singing Kendall's lines to him, dedicating every word to his best friend. The 3 boys sang nearly the entire song to him until the bridge, when James sang out,

"_Oh no, I don't have all the answers. If there is one thing, I know for sure one is good, but four is better!" _The boys engulfed Kendall in a hug again at this, mussing his hair lightly. Kendall grinned and belted out:

"_It took some time to get here, it's better late than never! Someday, it will come together! Someday, we will work it out. I know, we can turn it up all the way, 'cause this is our (some) day, is what we make it someday, is right here and now. Why wait? 'Cause this is our someday!"_

The boys sang along with Kendall for the rest of the song, dancing and belting and smiling at each other. Every movement they made and every line they sang was full out. When the show was over, the boys were hyped and jumping around backstage like jumping beans.

"That show was amazing!" Kendall said, still on a high from the amped crowd. Nothing could ever compare to being on stage.

Suddenly, he found himself engulfed in a warm, tight circle his friends made around him. The 3 boys brought him in close and held him tightly, listening to his steady, strong heartbeat. They were so relieved, so grateful to have their Kendall back. They saw the spark in his eyes, the aura of life around him that he just genuinely gave off, his prize-winning smile... He was well again, everything would be ok. The realization that everything was back to normal, that Kendall would live a healthy and long life, hit them hard and they were overwhelmed with joy. They no longer had to live in fear.

"Boys, I'm ok," Kendall said, wrapping his long arms around their skinny bodies and holding them close to his chest. He was confused as to why they were once again crying.

"We know," Carlos squeaked, melting into Kendall's embrace as the taller boy ran his fingers through his spikes of hair.

"You did it Kendall, you survived," Logan said proudly. "You're ok. And we're probably insane for sobbing like this right now but… You made it, buddy. You never stopped fighting and now it's over. We can start again."

Kendall grinned at this, nuzzling his face into Logan's neck. He liked the sound of that. He was alive, and with his buddies, he could start his life again.

**A/N A couple random facts about this story: My favorite band, RED, very loosely inspired it. It is named after their song, and a couple of chapters are named after their songs as well. I get my angst-inspiration from their music.**

**In chapter 1, Logan says "You have 10 minutes before I sic Logan on you." Well, he meant to say Carlos. Haha.**

**My favorite song by Big Time Rush is "This Is Our Someday."**

**This was my very first multi chap on this site, and I'm overwhelmed by the response I got! It's so hard to see it go but I'm so excited to start something new. I can be a very sappy person so just bear with me, ok? In the course of almost exactly 4 months, this story has received 277 wonderful reviews from so many amazing readers and writers! It has 64 favs, and 87 alerts. I'm tearing up reading that. You all have done wonders for my self-confidence and I just want to never stop writing for all of you. I will be writing as long as you want to read my work! You guys are amazing. I know I don't get to reply back to my anonymous reviewers, and I want to thank each and every one of you personally and I'm sad that I can't, so just know all of you, I appreciate it! **

**I love dr reid, you rock **

**Thank you to everyone who has ever read, reviewed, alerted, or favorite, each one of you is amazing! And those who have stuck with this from the beginning: Hugs, cookies, and loves!**

**Special shout-out to my lil sis, asdfghjklblah, because she just keeps me going. 'Nuff said. I love you, pickle! We will be sissy's for a very Logan time ;) **

**Thanks for everyone's support! I love all of you! **

**One to the next story, shall we? ;)**

**Here lies Mystery Of You, RIP 10/4/2011. **


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